weights

hi. this is for you.
i said im not going to broadcast anything between us
but you are not replying me on msn
so im just going to write it here

i thought about writing you an email
but it just doesnt feel enough

okay.
so
it's not the nicest thing
im just trying to be more rational about this
ive had too many pain of losses
i cant allow myself to take more. i need to prevent them
so on a certain level
you and nic are equal
but
in a more irrational/emotional sense
you are indeed the most important person in my life
for too many reasons. life is basically incomplete without you.
i dont shit to make people feel better, you know that
and dont tell me it's okay it doesnt matter
because its not fucking okay and it does fucking matter
it's all too good to be true
there must be someone whos better than me
so much physically closer to you, smarter, better looking etc.
or maybe it has nothing to do with anybody
it might be that you just dont want to do it anymore
who knows
theres a lot of things i want to do with you
but will we get there?
one and a half year is not long, but definitely not short.
but whatever happens
and this has actually come across my mind for a lot of times
i just didnt say it. im not leaving.
i dont care if you show me all those other sides you try to hide
i dont care if ib takes over your life
im happy as long as you stay with me. okay?