心酸

真可笑 可能放假吧 你的回憶在跟我問好呢
剛巧你又回來 感覺怪怪的

赦下忙碌的後遺症就是那種半凝固的狀態
工作總是會讓人硬起來 變堅固 像盔甲一樣 不讓東西打垮自己
停了就會溶解 柔柔的 almost vulnerable.
也許 別人說‘女人是水做的’不是在說我們愛哭 而是剛剛說的狀況而已
半凝固 就好像 麻痹最後的幾個小時 知覺正回來 不過還未能適應 遊遊蕩蕩的

怎麽所有東西都慢慢在回來了
前幾天突然找不到眼鏡 便像個瞎子的在家裏走來走去 突然想起夜市那晚
本來不再戴的那些手鐲 突然又開始在戴

我在想 在認識的人裏面 有幾多個真的認識我呢
我 好像跟所有人都越來越遠了。
誰知道 我越來越不懂向前走 越來越容易被自己的感情出賣 全敗露
我竟然差點想在火車裏哭，搞笑吧。

fml. i want this.

i've always loved nikes in one colour. xgirl was mouthwatching but it got a bit overrated around dance school. the nylon crossover one was epic they had neon colours but than only sold in us and europe. and this time it came with something cuter, inspired by macaroons! the colours are more spring than ones before. personally i like the pink. so nicolees would you like a pair of blues? oh i wish you are going to europe this holi instead of the last one than you could get it in colette in paris!!!

''LIKE"

最近迷上了中長微捲髮和長裙。
recently in love with wavy mid length hair and long dresses.

態度

從來都不是tavi的粉絲
雖然天馬行空不過可穿性很低
就算穿得下 也免不了徒人的目光 她不介意是她的事
所以 ： 我很小看她的blog，幾乎不看

在某blog看到左圖
ey? 出奇地不怪誕
縱然 她的風格跟我一點也不吻合
不過籃調配紅格襪子 加上grunge tee 和 chucky heels 科學地有趣呢 帥氣的可愛 而且也不用左披右搭 ＊點頭＊
這個可以學學，不過紅格襪子就不了 （那可是畫龍點睛之處呢！）

不說衣服
那個銀籃色頭髮only 已經殺死人 現在好像多了淺頭髮的人highlight呢 粉藍 粉紅 蘋果綠 好靚 好靚 好靚 不過我們黃種人只會換來阿婆印象吧 - - 更何況爸媽是不會批准的 學校也不會 好吧 year 12 to do: bleach then colour. 不知道會不會好看 不好看大不了 染番深色 整dip dye (留意日本street style會明白) 又漂又染會很傷 理不了 一生人總要試一次哈哈

反叛

反叛 近排的是泰國紅衫軍 引起最大爭議的是八十後 印象深刻的是英國龐克

三個有兩個 都是年輕人幹的好事
大人們怎麼了
到底是我們無後顧能站起來 還是我們愚未而已

在學校鬧了場風波 問題不是我到底做了甚麼
而是為何會鬧到如此田地
在某個方位 T老師你比我還幼稚 把事情都發給其他老師 初中生講是非嗎
現在 你影響到我 以及我極度重視的 要明白我不是那種會坐以待斃的
你是老師又如何 還不是九流那種
你現在很得意收服了我吧 要珍惜得意的時光喔 這可能是暴風雨的前夕 （沒那麼嚴重啦 。）

needs versus wants

in year 9 commerce i learnt one thing
needs and wants
shit, i've nearly forgotten my commerce teacher name
but of course i do
mr somerville.
anyway
needs and wants
are one essential question when it comes to whether you should do something that costs something or not
in a sense
i think i need shopping
in another, i dont.
it's funny. i thought i dont. so there was this week. when i never really entered shops because australian shops are so shit in general anyway. and i was broke. and i had work.
but of course i cracked.
last night.
when i was meant to study for the accounting test.
i went to ONLINE STORES.
and yeah. i browsed and browsed. i knew i wasnt doing the right thing.
but i felt that i NEED to look at clothes at that time
how sad of me. still did okay in accounting thou.
and whats even more sad is that. today i wagged school. sort of
it wasn't really wagging. just escaping from atheletics heats. pfft.
and went to kmart. HAHA i felt funny. but i was thinking of buying this sweatshirt.
and do something wang inspired. but the one i saw before WAS GONE. and there was no sweatshirts similar?!
and the reason i went before is because my mom had to get vaccum cleaner. so i was just wondering around.
it was supposed to be this normal sweatshirt for plus size people and it was on sale so it was cheap so i would be happy to cut and do stuff on it and even i ruin it i wouldnt be sad.
yeah. and it was grey. one of my favourite colour. lawl.
and i was like depressed. because i saw eason chans wife hillary tsui wearing something similar. of course not the same shit but same sweatshirt story. and i was just pointing the picture with my brain HEY I WAS GOING TO WEAR IT LIKE THAT!
then i went to this shop next to kmart. and i saw this chanel tweed inspired jacket coat whatever you call it.i remember there should be this special term but i forgot. and it wasnt anything high brand. not even mid brand. and quality wasnt even that good. and it was. 70 i think. which is around 490hkd. are you kidding me? i can get something better for the same price in zara or something. no actually zara would cost 900 i think. but thats not important. because the thing i really dislike is how cheap shits are so unreasonable.
haha. so thats what i did today.

ABCDEFG...QRSTUVARIATIONS

RAD BY RAD HOURANI

輕

今天心情挺好的
幾乎是十年難遇的
看著堆積如山的功課我也只懂打呵欠做反應
哈 太放鬆了吧

怪怪的 今天唯一能煽動我喜怒的 就是一張張的時裝照 一本本的雜誌
看到 邊問自己 創作的腦細胞跑到哪了 爛到通的學校課程 令textiles課變成了小工藝班
真的笑死人 很想動手做點東西 不過忙忙的 排隊也不到她吧

前幾天發覺原來以前的randomness是超有用的
買了harpers bazaar 讀著alexander mcqueen 最後的訪問
上一個collection (很阿凡達那個) inspiration 是來自電影裏的外星人
他說想把模特兒的腳變得像外星人的腳一樣就做出那種龍蝦鞋咯
哈哈 當然事情並不是那麽容易 不過出發點很相似嘛

嗯 對了 方大同的狂潮很好聽
今天也覺得蘇打綠的交響夢特別好聽

很想把不穿的衣服都賣掉 不過ebay一大堆的字令人看完會昏頭
死人camberwell market 干麽要full booking 讓我七月回來才動手

怎麽這個post好像我在跟自己説話 nicolee 一定是我看你多了

笑柄

星期天 病了
惡惡混混的一個long weekend
很多東西得去做也變得懶惰
連轉個身 吃東西也懶
曾經再某個地方聽過 ‘你的日子如何，你的力量也必如何’
好像是盧覓雪的
其實也不太清楚解釋 （麻煩解籤）
不過跟今天幸然還在活動的腦細胞好配

其實一直都知道自己寫的 多會成為笑柄
如果我能把想到的垃圾變成美麗的藝術就好
難得感情能被專重

這個世界太物質主義了吧

還沒好好的感受
雪花綻放的氣候
我們一起顫抖
會更明白什么是溫柔
還沒跟你牽著手
走過荒蕪的沙丘
可能從此以后學會珍惜
天長和地久
有時候有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開都有時候
沒有什么會永垂不朽
可是我有時候
寧愿選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透
也許你會陪我看細水長流

還沒為你把紅豆
熬成纏綿的傷口
然后一起分享
會更明白相思的哀愁
還沒好好的感受
醒著親吻的溫柔
可能在我左右
你才追求孤獨的自由
有時候有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開都有時候
沒有什么會永垂不朽
可是我有時候
寧愿選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透
也許你會陪我看細水長流

有時候有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開都有時候
沒有什么會永垂不朽
可是我有時候
寧愿選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透
也許你會陪我看細水長流



麻木的好幾天

感覺好像不喜歡的，都做齊了
喜歡的，一點也沒碰過

連聼歌的心情也沒有
有時耳朵好像被block住了
腦袋想個氣球，滿了，卻是空空的。

很想找個人靜靜坐下來，聼我，安撫我，給我一個擁抱。

不是你的，沒有義務去做，你也不好意思問。

有限

所有東西都有他的限度的

我手提電話每個月都只有$29worth的信用額
我家的internet每個月也只有幾十gb流量
連容忍也有限度

我不知道你能忍受我的程度到哪裏去
我不希望會有超額的一天，還是不回頭那種

關係應該不會有限額了吧

你説笑的話我有你就成了 in theory 是不可以的 可是 in practice 我不肯定
老實說昨晚跟你通話後到現在 我想
就算全世界真的抛棄我 離遠我 當然我會很傷心
不過 如果你還在 什麽身份也好 我應該會很感恩的

如果我倆每次通話的時候 想到什麽說什麽 每一句說出口的東西都是真心的 就好了
我知道 我倆都在隱瞞些東西 並沒惡意
只是你的理智在告訴你不要想 話都會吞下去躲在肚子算
而我害怕自己的一言一語會影響天氣 說出口的都以joking當藉口 趕快把話塞回後腦

最近變得詞窮了 原因不明

真的好恨你 常常在通話中說我們要做什麽什麽 到真的回來的時候 又變心了

其實我覺得自己也挺傻瓜的 怎麽把東西都統統寫下來任你看呀 我豈不是陣亡了
你都對我的事了如指掌 我卻一知半解的 哎呀

今天不懂收尾 你看到的話: 麻煩寄我一封電郵 謝

shit chinese.

上個post 我不懂形容 是真心話 100巴仙沒經過過累的話
看上去 像狂言 其實也不過是很傷心 很氣憤 很失望 很無奈 的吞吐

我不會再怨澳洲的，要怨的上年都怨完了
現在只好怪自己

看facebook； 聼你們每天的日子； 感覺好像跟你們越來越大距離
你們好像在快活地大步大步向前走
而我跟原地大步沒什麽兩樣

雖然很想你們去明白我有多渴望你們的關心 不過我很少expect你們去做什麽
只是有時看見人家為好朋友做很貼心的事的時候 會問自己爲什麽沒有
我不是不滿足 能有朋友 是幾生修來的 疑心丁點兒也不應該存在

我只是無奈距離慢慢的在expand 好像不能再像以前一樣自然地sync
好像慢慢的在失去你們 我很想做點事 不過大家都忙了 。

im in desperate urge of self cultivation.

oh miss cheung is a lunatic.

okay. just so you know. i would never really intend to write english anymore. except when im at school, because typing chinese in macs is really quite annoying.but since accounting is gonna fin in like 5 to 10 minutes, channels gonna switch pretty soon (it didnt because i typed without thinking. and by the time i fin the bell rang) . i do realised that most of the time i just love talking about sad shit stuff here. i guess happy things could be said to anybody anytime. but shit stuff cant. theres no one (fact: i have no friends whatsoever now. i dont think i do, in a anyway) to. so it comes to that the blabbing has to go somewhere. and sorry if my words arent making sense. they never do really. everyone knows my english is shit and i still hav to write/type in english. fuck this.
you know. sometimes. i start thinking about this really primary schools question. WHAT ARE THE QUALITIES THAT GOOD FRIENDS HAVE. you know. maybe im just an anti social person. or something. i remember i used to believe ive got a whole heap of great friends. and when you really swirl around and look at it the other way. ah haha too bad YOU DONT. as a matter of fact. sometimes maybe im just saying ive got friends because i really dont. you know how people emphasize something because they are lying. mmhmm maybe thats whats happening here.
ive turned really gay this week. i dont know where im heading. i feel greatly reluctant in turning into this different person. but i know i am alreaady. i dont talk the way i used to do. seriously, i ve gone a little more serious. i was skyping with jeffrey yesterday. and i realised. i dont really laugh at what he thinks at times now. like we dont sync. i dont know. and i dont know how to draw those retarded little monsters now. maybe its just i dont like drawing them now, afteralll people get on and off things.
but you know, sometimes you tthink someone is like really close to you. and you put some hopes up on them. expecting them to do certain things. they wont. they prefer something for themselves over you. it's okay. maybe im just too sensitive here. (and maybe its human deadly factual that people are just real selfish) you know. maybe it shouldnt be as complicated as i think it is. just yeah. i dislike this year. and last year . and from 0:00 of the stage to melbourne. it has already startd sucking shit. i love whining dont i. god me. i think all i can ever do is whine. so much for all those best friends crap. PLEASE. IF they really were your best friends they would do so much more for you. you're just like one of those stupid girls who hit their heads on the wall for nothing. or maybe you can just really expect this, you know, there is never really equivalent 'velocity' in friendships.
(so what is this ronnie. why are you making such a big big deal about this. (i tend to get angry when im disappointed. like most people. idk) your angry how nicolee prefers her convinience than you. it's really nothing. it's not much of a big deal. they dont pick you up normally anyway so whats this big fuzz about? well you know. and the reason you didnt scream/yelled at her across the msn conversation is because you know it wouldnt really mean anything even if you did yelled or something. and it would be awkward when you guys meet up anyway because you commanded for it not out of their own will. and also this entire willy business. i thought you said youve got over it. you know. so what the shit is that. i know you dont obsess over him anymore (woah im like telling eveyrbody. but okay, go on, your pissed,). but yeah . okay it annoys me. how he talks but we never finish. i mean. why are alll your friends so ignorant now? is it you or is it them. understood, work. but yeah. it wouldnt really hurt to spare a moment or two right. its not like i dont hav work as well. haha so dont be dumb ronnie. everyones only care about themselves. its been like this since 100bc or something. so dont whine. you just havnt got it quite yet. oh yeah and you know you just mentioned your friends' name thye will find out? hahb yeah i know. i dont really giv for now. not for this very moment. you know. if you want to say something. fucking say it. and you and your quotes. you tell people to say what they really mean. but you dont. hypocrite you. and you. i dont know what to say. you just piss me of every other day. and fyi to all. its not pms. because i just had it last week. thanks-

good weather

so. i feel like typing in english today. it's been awhile.
and im in a good mood.
because, im nearly done for costumes, only 3 skirts left to overlock.
and im having a spare now to organise my life abit.
and i get to change to chinese from bio. i actually like bio. but not the plant side of it. so shame. and the teacher is not really my kind, like the way she teaches. as a matter of fact, i like ms guest better. oh yeah, so. if i dont like the plannt side, i like the dna side.

and since nisha foo foo + selina lees been telling me to write in english
and typing english in macs are easier. i might as well make this post convinient.

i feel less pressured today. i feel at ease. thou theres still tiny tingling in my heart. but music therapy works. those songs remind me of you. and even if you dont say it, i like the idea that your supporting me.

after wed. i'd hav so much to do. i hav to finish this book called unpolished gem. and math worksheet. and art appriciation. and english. i actually dont know what im supposed to do, i just know that i hav work. but not sure what. haha. i've bbeen so dettached to my homework. my moms getting pissy recently. like. yeah she turned off the internet without telling me. so childish man seriously. how childish can things get. im not bitching about her. ijust cant stand her monopulse. (is that how you spell monopulse?) she needs those little bottles for women in monopulse

so yeah. willy became vice without telling me. seriously so much for friends huh huh.
but yeah. this stupid gayass told me on "lin sam sup" that he was shopping in h&m and he wish i was there. and my mind totally went like stupid fucktard you always get that when im like not in hong kong. and when i acutally am, you never feel like it.

okay. im like rambling. sorry. but then. i need to talk. and angela. you know i've always wanted to send you an email. but like. things just get written down here. and no point really to type again about the same thing. and i dont hav much things too personal.
okay. spares oveer. hahah.

我是半個頭

假如ronnie cheung把自己生涯的轉淚點/體會課都寫下來
2010的第二件事一定是"當了house concert的head of costume"
在解釋detail之前 我必須澄清，我只是半個head而已
另外一個head是year 12，不過大部分organisation都是我做的，有一部分(一組舞)是她的
要跟另外一個人分享銜頭，其實不好受，畢竟，她好像不用太動腦筋
不過算了吧 反正能有人分擔以下sewing work未嘗不是好事 (拜托，她那個costume容易到不行好不好)
anyway，成爲半個頭，獲益良多，獲其實獲得很很很辛苦
都有一段時間沒這樣stressed out過了，stressed out到不知所操，到失眠，到差點哭了出來
costume星期三要完成了，從設計到現在製作，是短短的兩個半禮拜
材料: budget少，fabric也要買cheap點的，不好看
製作: 人手少，連兩個head只有大約6個人，其中兩個人還要表演跳舞/唱歌，根本很小時間參與
設計: 根本不夠時間被inspire，而且要切合人物，設計出來的，都不太喜歡。由於budget少+人手少+時間少，根本不可能做出什麽"大野"。

做出來的，有一部分還要被批評，對不起，我自己都覺得很垃圾，不過無能爲力。

爲了想辦法把那大堆垃圾有點作爲，我每天都真的很努力的想。

想到感覺像離魂一樣，希望能給大家更酷的服裝，不過總是欠點什麽，也許是資質有限，抱歉。

整個過程也是很對不起自己地度過，真的希望大家不要令我更難堪，不過現實卻是殘忍，不堅強點也不行。

其實，當初可以很cliche地做，可以跟著大夥兒(其他house)又來點fluro，又來點tutus

不過我不允許自己這樣，傻瓜，誰會去appriciate你的態度。

算，這場仗乃一番體會，其實煩惱的來源就是任性，愛跟自己的步伐走，如果理性點走cliche派，可能還會更成功。

張樂怡你這個死白痴，你什麽時候才可以學懂理性。

另外 老天爺大概在強烈提醒你的資質跟興趣不成對比。

看來未來 需要一個plan B.

RIP ALEXANDER MCQUEEN

you make miracles.

RAK THUR!

壞感覺

所謂的bad feeling 就是當你做了些令你覺得很不好意思的事而帶來的心絞痛
記憶中 bad feeling最深刻的一次是上年九月term break
玩得連跟爸爸的"飯局"都忘記了 氣死他 本來已經bad feeling 之後媽媽打電話責備，讓我bad feeling 到苦了

今天 把電話漏在試身室 店員把電話交給我後 奇怪地瞪著我 後來經過我去店口的時候 (她剛剛下崗) 跟我說"you didnt even say thank you" 我當時竟然還在發呆... 後來拜托了收銀員跟她幫我說謝謝便帶著怪怪的心情離開。
搞什麽，記憶明明記得是說了。 朋友說得對，我太多thoughts了，有時候，其實我是搞不懂嘴巴和腦袋之間的協調的。可能我只不過腦袋裏說了，字沒出口。對不起，不過我真的很感謝你。

也試過，小學的時候，不應該出口的東西，本來應該在腦袋裏，不過嘴巴竟然自把自為說了，搞到我被罰。

今天的腦好像啃住了，好像好多事要做。

美術和設計最欺人的地方就是每次都要把你腦汁渣盡，跟愛情一樣，不把你整殘，讓你好半死是不會罷休的。不過能製作令我快樂，真討厭。

盧廣仲的聽見了嗎很好聽。

apologize to nicolee

N，對不起 總不能讓太多人知道吧

有些事情 感覺很複雜，難以解決，其實也只不過是自己迷路而已

想不到你竟然選擇玩小朋友把戲-

某某的xanga

"溝通的困難，在於一個人如何努力也不能成事

你盡了力，你得不到回應，結果你用了多幾倍努力真正了解一個人，繞了幾個圈才明白你跟他根本沒法相處"


突然想起幾年前最令我倆為榮的，今日竟變成了我倆的障礙。

it's amazing.