this is just too wut gay

i like the jap writing one.

AFTERMATH

最晚經歷了有生以來最嘔心瀝血的一夜
緊張程度差不多令我心臟衰竭
至今還能罕有地清晰記得夢裏的情景
因爲
我根本區別不到我當時到底有沒有意識

記得腦袋裏的記憶與信息好像亂馬一樣的在腦海裏橫沖直轉
有考試的材料 歌聲 還有疑似電影裏的情節
轉到我無法入睡
而我的身體卻顯得不耐煩 很想休息
便在床上翻動 四肢也在抓狂 不停的踢被子
三番四次的坐起來 猛抓頭皮 一心想一切靜止

然而最後我真正的醒來裏
便想著去樓下喝喝水冷靜一下
這麽離開房間10步不夠
老狗便開始猛吠 跑到我腳旁
我站著猶豫了一下 便把他卷到我手臂裏
拖著身軀回床
有點像小女孩一樣抱住他睡
煩擾的噪音也漸漸放低

我就知道 我很需要擁抱
而那只毛 竟然能看穿這一點 更送來得及時的慰藉
我只懂苦笑

仲然 今天的考試尚算順利渡過

整天的狀態也是挺差 沒怎麽説話 只想填回落魄後空虛
睡午覺 吃甜點 ...
猜不透的是 令我覺得最愉快的 是無意中在網上看到的一大堆藝術
視覺的 反而微微挑起了力竭的思維

飛快

看到六年級生日會的照片
竟會像大人般的晃然大悟 諷刺吧

他們的神情 笑容 距離
是多麽的熟悉

曾經也擁抱過的天真
不知道什麽時候就放開了
現在只保存下小碎碎

突然很實在的感受到時間的飛快

平時只不過會從大人口中得到的領會

今天我真的明瞭

flashback 裏的影像真難忘

身邊的朋友 原來已經陪著我好久的時間

謝謝一直都不離不棄 我從來都是一個挺爛的人

如果第一次見面的時候是四年級 我們 (太多我們) 好歹都認識 7年多了

你看 7 年就是這樣過去了 一直這樣下去會很有趣吧

不要讓我有機會叫你們舊朋友 因爲老朋友這名詞動聽多了

post number 300.

resonance

If you're angry at a loved one, hug that person. And mean it. You may not want to hug - which is all the more reason to do so. It's hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you, and that's precisely what happens when we hug each other. ~Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course, 1997
via elaine


i keep telling myself not to be angry.
this is afterall, a long d issue.
if it wasnt for the god damn xxxx miles
we'd be smiling at each other every single minute.

besides. this is just your 老毛病
what can i do about it?

男孩子

高分貝尖叫-

女孩子

突然有衝動...想穿這樣的裙子
看太多日系雜誌的關係吧 － － 
對上一次穿過類似的是cotton on的藍白直條裙
很喜歡下圖裙子的顏色
exam 過後自己弄一條才行 （y)

FRIGGIN COOL

jeffrey two

泥足深陷

偶然也會發發白日夢 幻想一下以後的事 大概誰也曾經這樣想過吧 (如果你沒有，對不起)

雖然不太實在 不過那些夢一直都在腦海裏飄游
有空時會想 不開心時又想 懶惰時再想
漸漸地 未來夢便成爲了現在的推動力

這陣子 突然變得認真地渴望著 很想很想快點長大
特別 cant wait to get out of school (quote selina :))
年少 要是青春狂妄的
工作 要是不顧一切的
愛情 要是細水長流的
婚姻 要是與子皆老的

別人說過 到你工作時就會明白學習的可貴 那不可怕


這種感覺 比任何一次還強烈

i wanna stay forever young as well
可是我不介意變老 目擊歲月在自己身上留痕
年齡會當老師 教會你當時該明瞭的事情
我覺得這樣一個人才是完整的

happy early one month anniversary.
我會繼續這樣很白痴地數
因爲如果這樣可以繼續 six months. one year. two years.
回想one month 的時候 白痴便會變得很特別

16嵗的 也許不該這樣想太多
畢竟以後會有太多可能性
不過這樣反反復復的感情
誰能解釋呢?

:)

1-2-1-2-3-4
Give me more loving than I’ve ever had
Make me feel better when I’m feeling sad
Tell me I’m special even though I know I’m not
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely getting mad
I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
Its as easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
Give me more loving from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
You’re the best that I’ve had
And I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
It’s easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
(I love you) I love you
You make it easy
It’s easy as 1 2 1 2 3 4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
(I love you) I love you
1-2-3-4
I love you
(I love you) I love you

HEAVY FLOW

wahhh. not kidding man. heavy flow heavy flow. for my wallet.
bought so much shit today. but its okay. because i be turning into a nerd until the end of may.
big problem is i still couldnt get pressies for all the may people!
im so so so sorry im such a failure ):
and i still couldnt find a nice dress for my cousin wedding
and i still couldnt find those bonds for nicolee wtf
and i still couldnt find a macbeth with modern version.
yes, what bullshit is this. i am studying macbeth again!

動聽的

謝霆鋒說：這個世界上一定有兩個人是注定的

這個世界上一定有兩個人是注定好的，配好的。無論你是500磅重還是怎樣，他喜歡你就是喜歡你，他愛你就一定會接受你! 到我死的時候，老婆(張柏芝)會是陪在我身邊的那個人。

ring ring ring!

so it's kind of like mufti today
and because my winter clothes are s t i l l not here. i have nothing to wear but hoodies and jeans.
it's up to a stage where i have to layer my tshirt to keep warm.
yep ive got a tshirt underneath this white.

but i couldnt allow myself to just walk out like some geek.

tiredness has made me lazy. (if you look at what i've been wearing since the first post) it's all trash. well guess it doesnt really matter when all you ever go is something down local.
still. i was in a hurry this morning
so i just pour my box of jewellery (not excatly) in my bag front pocket and wear them on the way to school.
i dont think many people notice
but it makes me happy for some reason.

and if you notice my about me bar on the left.
i was thinking of avatar when i did that pose.

HILLARY CHAN

A TRILLIAN SORRIES FOR BEING LATE
the late present
the last post
and everything else.

but i know you wont mind :)
because as long as i say what i mean
and you get to hear this
i think both of us;d be okay

so my dear
thanks heaps for being my roomate when i first came
it was too generous of you
i know i was terrible

i know i shouldnt be reminding you
but now that your 18
everyones says its a new chapter in life
i know your still in high school
but you know
you get to do a whole lot more with this number
so even this might sound really really cliche
just carpe diem you know.
cease the day.

no one can imagine how fast 18 years have gone by
i know im not there yet
but i dont think i will be able believe it by the time i get there
it's a a good start for new goals and etc
we shall ace our final years
and be the rich bitches in hk by the time we get twenty something
yes baby twenty something because we are too goofw
anyway ily and happy happy happy birthday

weights

hi. this is for you.
i said im not going to broadcast anything between us
but you are not replying me on msn
so im just going to write it here

i thought about writing you an email
but it just doesnt feel enough

okay.
so
it's not the nicest thing
im just trying to be more rational about this
ive had too many pain of losses
i cant allow myself to take more. i need to prevent them
so on a certain level
you and nic are equal
but
in a more irrational/emotional sense
you are indeed the most important person in my life
for too many reasons. life is basically incomplete without you.
i dont shit to make people feel better, you know that
and dont tell me it's okay it doesnt matter
because its not fucking okay and it does fucking matter
it's all too good to be true
there must be someone whos better than me
so much physically closer to you, smarter, better looking etc.
or maybe it has nothing to do with anybody
it might be that you just dont want to do it anymore
who knows
theres a lot of things i want to do with you
but will we get there?
one and a half year is not long, but definitely not short.
but whatever happens
and this has actually come across my mind for a lot of times
i just didnt say it. im not leaving.
i dont care if you show me all those other sides you try to hide
i dont care if ib takes over your life
im happy as long as you stay with me. okay?

good things happen when you least expect them

i didnt expect you to talk to me on msn last night
i didnt expect you even suggest skype
i didnt expect you to leave an offline message.



wheres the sun?

rawr rawr rawr

my happy find today in bigw haha.
the only downside is that it's a little too big for my liking.

time dedicated to u

I smell a familiar fragrance in the air
The breeze that blew around you now blows across to me, oooh
In my heart, maybe it was the light you made shine upon me
That light shields me from hurtful sorrows
Love you.... thinking of you now, I close my eyes again

I love you. If I could fill your two eyes
I love you. If I could show you my smiles
I could give you all the bright stars in the sky oooh
I love you. If I could show you my love
I love you. If you could teach me you heart
Id follow whatever you do
Love you, Love you, Love you
Forever

Im walking right behind you beneath the moonlight
Look at me a little more closely
Should I ask the clouds to let the rain fall for you once again
So I could hold on to your wet heart
Love you.... thinking of you now, I close my eyes again

I love you. If I could fill your two eyes
I love you. If I could show you my smiles
I could give you all the bright stars in the sky oooh
I love you. If I could show you my love
I love you. If you could teach me you heart
Id follow whatever you do
Love you, Love you, Love you
Only you



i dont watch boys over flowers. but this song is contagious.

chance

it's an awkward day for me
im getting all this ideas out of nowhere
it makes me feel magical.

if you love somebody, whether it's a best friend or a boyfriend or some other type.

and then, i tell you, there is around 6, 817, 394, 740 people in this world.

and then, i tell you, the chance of winning powerball is 1/195, 249, 053

does it make you feel, sort of funny?

does it make you wonder how that 1/6, 817,394, 740 came to you, and becomes important?



and this is not the only thing that popped up today.

im not ready for winter

missing report

around two to three rings have been claimed missing
ronnie cheung loves them to fuck death
one of them is even a vintage ring. another has a mirror. both very awesome.
so rings, please come back.

or else, i'll just get some new rings, like i just did.
to shiying: i found the leopard head in the same store but it turned out too big. fml. but i got a tiger head instead.

wd;orjwigho uwiotgfuthgtyo

i dont know how to put myself today besides i feel like shit.
my head is fucking heavy and im almost lurching

WHY ARE YOU THINKING SO MUCH?

maybe this whole thing shouldnt have started this way
maybe im just not the person for this kind of relationship
it makes me feel as though i have mental issues or something, you know?

lazy friday morning

well. i ditched aths carnival. because it's just so lame i'd wither.
the ''body clock'' made me woke up early and i couldnt go back to sleep. so i had coco pops for breakfast. and all i am doing now is looking at blogs etc. which is okay withering. but far from aths.
besides, i have so much to do later. im thinking of doing a hair mask, rofl. and bake muffins. and make some essay notes.
neways, i thought it'd be nice to have a inspirational friday.
these are some of my favorite archives.
bythway, the couple one. is my most beloved editorial of all time.

hey jeffrey. this is for you

you know. i just realised that
when im happy. theres more english and pictures and colours in this blog.


blog: hey ronnie
ronnie: yeah blog?
blog: i miss fashion.
ronnie: really?
blog: uh huh. i want to see skinny bitches.
ronnie: okay.
blog: and can you just type in english? its so boring to watch you type chinese.
ronnie: shut up blogger. you cant control me. even google has to move out of china.
blog: yeah but they moved to hong kong. haha!
ronnie: so you want me to speak guai lo? and put pictures and make this all colourful?
blog: yeah
ronnie: okay then im turning to tumblr, it's easier to quote pictures you know
blog: - -
ronnie: haha!


okay so you know. ive been typing in chinese. typing lot ta shit. and some people think im trying to get empathy or some shit. so now. that. my feelings and all that bullcrap is quite alright. cause someone is representing all you fuckloads to listen to me. i dont need to repeat the same here. so. its the comeback of skinny bitches and fancy cloths and gay cartoons and lala quotes and kickass videos and tormenting music. come back everyday :) love yall.

*slap slap*

ive been going on with the word cute all day. i think elsie wants to straggle me.


when all you think about is what you want to do with this somebody
it doesnt really make sense. you almost feel sick. but you still think, you cant really fucking help it.

i want to slap myself. and hit my head on the wall. 

but honestly, i really miss you. i miss your face. i miss your hug. i miss your height. i miss the way you look at me. i miss the way you pretend you dont care. i miss our conversations. i miss your skinny wiry arms.  diuuuu!


i think i need more pictures in this blog. it's getting boring.

i want to blast quotes and pictures today.

i like dese kind of quotes. you know, like you can see a picture in the words. it's interesting.

and um, yeah i actually wan na do that. you know.

a wun gut morning

so i thought chinese school is supposed to start today. but it didnt. when i got there. the gate was closed.
which really pissed me off because 1. i knew it starts next week the teacher told us becuase the website says its today 2. i couldve gone to camberwell market 3. i had to wake up early 4. i couldve gone somewhere for a better breakfast instead of some stupid bread
so my plan for this wun gut the morning is coffee and autumns concerto. woohoo.
and shiying if your reading this: sorry about nicolees pp. gone too far D:

兒時的附屬品

從前有小兩口  他們很愛大家 後來各自的生活把他們推得越來越遠
有一天 他們又走在一齊了 可是 女孩卻發現生活已經令彼此的席位留白了太久
就算她盡力的追 想趕到他身邊 他身邊已經有太多人周旋著 改寫他 佔去她本來的分量
女孩發現再也找不到以前的感覺 再回不了以前一樣的模式 男孩看著她的眼神 對她説話的口吻 統統不同了
不過她不打算告訴男孩 因爲男孩好像不太為意 況且轉變這難搞的東西 又不是什麽新鮮事
所以她告訴自己 男孩不能給女孩她想要的 不是問題 她可以續小在新的章節裏留下筆跡
這樣也許男孩會知道 女孩可以是活存的 再不會離開。






my new favourite.

給你

人就是矛盾的動物

你回來，我真的很快樂。
卻正正就是這個原因 我太不希望再一次失去你
我不要讓自己煩到你 也不敢有太多要求
所以 就算有多想你 有多希望你會主動來電 我也不會說出口
就算偶然會不滿 至少你還在 那就什麽都okay啦

就當我想太多

也許我只是缺了點信心 缺了點安全感
你的臉總比其他東西可信 因為他從來不說謊 說真的
從來就是很喜歡我們之間的交流
現在只聽見聲音 一點也不好玩

好了。 我說了，聽見了嗎？

lets survey on ronnie version 2.009

i imagined us painting your wall

lying on a beach with a cozy blanket and indie music

kissing in the rain :)

you on the stage playing drums on my favourite song

driving a truck without a destination. (update: as in driving those hilux/ ute type of car)

you do the interior design for our house. (update: simply means putting a house together. a desk, a bed, paint)

take good pictures of us and put them up on the wall

when i wake up the first thing i see is you


i had alot of dreams with them

crazy night in a hotel room-

hippie van ; booze & music.

travel world.





it's probably true that. people grow away from fantasies.
i was looking at my old posts. and realized that i havent been thinking about these things for quite a while. they still seem very nice.
to people who still hold enough imagination for things: record them now.

new name

one bar of 999k gold for whoever knows the meaning behind
bonus blings for whoever knows the meaning behind the previous one :)



by the way. someone tell me ways to kill people without leaving traces?

嘴巴

這幾天怪怪的
幾乎沒有靈感寫部落格，連title也起不了
找不到要埋怨的東西吧 - -

唯一可以埋怨的就是就算想把東西寫下來 也變啞吧了
突然像文盲一樣 詞不達理

老實說 這個禮拜 可不是沒有討厭的事情
只是 快樂 總可以令人輕鬆的對待問題
上學 突然覺得不可惡
所有東西 都變得還可以

再不要鑽牛角尖的聼音樂





這樣下去就好了 :)


clt: 薛凱琪 甜蜜蜜
好喜歡裏面那個HEY 哈哈 - -

病了

也懶得去想穿什麽 反正只是去飲茶和超市而已
那件星星外套我幾乎十世紀未穿過 不過總覺得款色有點像日本潮牌會出的東東

沒有你的KTV很乏味

今天整天都有點不在狀態，呆呆的。
如果這次辜負了你，那很抱歉。這是日記，不是街拍。
我不是什麽明星，重用東西是必然的。(而且我大部分日子都會用那個包包，除了背包，他是唯一一個能承受大牛龜相機的重量)
還有，早就說我是胖子。

我就是很在意別人怎麽看我。

助理：那什麽才是女人的條件啊

夏和杰：記好了，條件分很多種，但絕對沒有十全十美的女人。一般來説好了，
漂亮的不下廚，下廚的不溫柔，溫柔的沒主見，有主見的沒女人味，
有女人味的會亂花錢，不會亂花錢的不會打扮，會打扮的不放心，放心的，肯定不能看。
反過來說，男人也一樣，有才華的長的醜，長的帥的不會賺錢，會賺錢的不顧家，
顧家的沒出息，有出息的不浪漫，浪漫的靠不住，靠的住的，肯定是個窩囊廢。
所以說，擁有兩種條件以上的女人，就算是好女人了。三種以上就算是極品了。

助理： (一大堆廢話後)

夏：知不知道同時擁有四種以上挑戰的女人，就做什麽。叫做挑戰。

EUNICE!

ily x 10000000 :D

比説謊貼切的

this is a new chapter.

不知道從那裏來的神奇力量
今天 突然覺得是一個新的開始
沒有陽光的心情 反而平靜 安然

可能這陣子有很多想做的事
決心給了上章一個句號

請緊記這一天
這一天 雖然天氣不算太晴朗 但你依然抱著正面的心情
這一天 你靈感足以填滿幾個足球場
這一天 你竟然沒有一秒想過你需要咖啡因的補助
這一天 你開了一個flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/ronnieech/ (哈哈 總要賣個關子吧)
這一天 你拍了你人生中的第一副衣櫥日記照
這一天 你有了一個新的學習對象


而這是所謂的人生中的第一副衣櫥日記照

打個比喻

if you were a computer
and you know that virus is slowly consuming you
and the virus is a real badass one
making you lag, making you freeze, making you unable to function properly
and not even super anti virus software and do anything about
and the only thing you can do to stop the disfunctioning is to restart everything, trash all the files, everything

would you restart?
or would you just let the virus get you until you offically die, because what's in the computer, files and everything is the most important thing?

捨小就大

悉尼這一趟真來得好

不知道怎麽了 到達的第一天感覺自己像個大鄉里到城裏去一樣
我從來沒感覺過自己跟世界那麽脫節 跟不上節奏 跟不上趨勢
墨爾本讓我懶惰了 鬆懈了
差點忘記自己目標自己在世界的方位

shiying, im going to a wardrobe diary. 我沒有修長的腿 五光十色的衣櫃 只有苯笨的呆臉 和 厭悶的平價貨 but it's okay, because it's not like a fashion blog where people show off what they've got. it's just like a journal, to record the day, the feelings, the occasion, a picture speaks a thousand words. 還有，去警惕自己，不可以懶惰，妝容主要的purpose不是給人欣賞批評的，是對自己的一個交待。if you don't treat yourself the way you want to be treated, don't expect others to do so.

心酸

真可笑 可能放假吧 你的回憶在跟我問好呢
剛巧你又回來 感覺怪怪的

赦下忙碌的後遺症就是那種半凝固的狀態
工作總是會讓人硬起來 變堅固 像盔甲一樣 不讓東西打垮自己
停了就會溶解 柔柔的 almost vulnerable.
也許 別人說‘女人是水做的’不是在說我們愛哭 而是剛剛說的狀況而已
半凝固 就好像 麻痹最後的幾個小時 知覺正回來 不過還未能適應 遊遊蕩蕩的

怎麽所有東西都慢慢在回來了
前幾天突然找不到眼鏡 便像個瞎子的在家裏走來走去 突然想起夜市那晚
本來不再戴的那些手鐲 突然又開始在戴

我在想 在認識的人裏面 有幾多個真的認識我呢
我 好像跟所有人都越來越遠了。
誰知道 我越來越不懂向前走 越來越容易被自己的感情出賣 全敗露
我竟然差點想在火車裏哭，搞笑吧。

fml. i want this.

i've always loved nikes in one colour. xgirl was mouthwatching but it got a bit overrated around dance school. the nylon crossover one was epic they had neon colours but than only sold in us and europe. and this time it came with something cuter, inspired by macaroons! the colours are more spring than ones before. personally i like the pink. so nicolees would you like a pair of blues? oh i wish you are going to europe this holi instead of the last one than you could get it in colette in paris!!!

''LIKE"

最近迷上了中長微捲髮和長裙。
recently in love with wavy mid length hair and long dresses.

態度

從來都不是tavi的粉絲
雖然天馬行空不過可穿性很低
就算穿得下 也免不了徒人的目光 她不介意是她的事
所以 ： 我很小看她的blog，幾乎不看

在某blog看到左圖
ey? 出奇地不怪誕
縱然 她的風格跟我一點也不吻合
不過籃調配紅格襪子 加上grunge tee 和 chucky heels 科學地有趣呢 帥氣的可愛 而且也不用左披右搭 ＊點頭＊
這個可以學學，不過紅格襪子就不了 （那可是畫龍點睛之處呢！）

不說衣服
那個銀籃色頭髮only 已經殺死人 現在好像多了淺頭髮的人highlight呢 粉藍 粉紅 蘋果綠 好靚 好靚 好靚 不過我們黃種人只會換來阿婆印象吧 - - 更何況爸媽是不會批准的 學校也不會 好吧 year 12 to do: bleach then colour. 不知道會不會好看 不好看大不了 染番深色 整dip dye (留意日本street style會明白) 又漂又染會很傷 理不了 一生人總要試一次哈哈

反叛

反叛 近排的是泰國紅衫軍 引起最大爭議的是八十後 印象深刻的是英國龐克

三個有兩個 都是年輕人幹的好事
大人們怎麼了
到底是我們無後顧能站起來 還是我們愚未而已

在學校鬧了場風波 問題不是我到底做了甚麼
而是為何會鬧到如此田地
在某個方位 T老師你比我還幼稚 把事情都發給其他老師 初中生講是非嗎
現在 你影響到我 以及我極度重視的 要明白我不是那種會坐以待斃的
你是老師又如何 還不是九流那種
你現在很得意收服了我吧 要珍惜得意的時光喔 這可能是暴風雨的前夕 （沒那麼嚴重啦 。）

needs versus wants

in year 9 commerce i learnt one thing
needs and wants
shit, i've nearly forgotten my commerce teacher name
but of course i do
mr somerville.
anyway
needs and wants
are one essential question when it comes to whether you should do something that costs something or not
in a sense
i think i need shopping
in another, i dont.
it's funny. i thought i dont. so there was this week. when i never really entered shops because australian shops are so shit in general anyway. and i was broke. and i had work.
but of course i cracked.
last night.
when i was meant to study for the accounting test.
i went to ONLINE STORES.
and yeah. i browsed and browsed. i knew i wasnt doing the right thing.
but i felt that i NEED to look at clothes at that time
how sad of me. still did okay in accounting thou.
and whats even more sad is that. today i wagged school. sort of
it wasn't really wagging. just escaping from atheletics heats. pfft.
and went to kmart. HAHA i felt funny. but i was thinking of buying this sweatshirt.
and do something wang inspired. but the one i saw before WAS GONE. and there was no sweatshirts similar?!
and the reason i went before is because my mom had to get vaccum cleaner. so i was just wondering around.
it was supposed to be this normal sweatshirt for plus size people and it was on sale so it was cheap so i would be happy to cut and do stuff on it and even i ruin it i wouldnt be sad.
yeah. and it was grey. one of my favourite colour. lawl.
and i was like depressed. because i saw eason chans wife hillary tsui wearing something similar. of course not the same shit but same sweatshirt story. and i was just pointing the picture with my brain HEY I WAS GOING TO WEAR IT LIKE THAT!
then i went to this shop next to kmart. and i saw this chanel tweed inspired jacket coat whatever you call it.i remember there should be this special term but i forgot. and it wasnt anything high brand. not even mid brand. and quality wasnt even that good. and it was. 70 i think. which is around 490hkd. are you kidding me? i can get something better for the same price in zara or something. no actually zara would cost 900 i think. but thats not important. because the thing i really dislike is how cheap shits are so unreasonable.
haha. so thats what i did today.

ABCDEFG...QRSTUVARIATIONS

RAD BY RAD HOURANI

輕

今天心情挺好的
幾乎是十年難遇的
看著堆積如山的功課我也只懂打呵欠做反應
哈 太放鬆了吧

怪怪的 今天唯一能煽動我喜怒的 就是一張張的時裝照 一本本的雜誌
看到 邊問自己 創作的腦細胞跑到哪了 爛到通的學校課程 令textiles課變成了小工藝班
真的笑死人 很想動手做點東西 不過忙忙的 排隊也不到她吧

前幾天發覺原來以前的randomness是超有用的
買了harpers bazaar 讀著alexander mcqueen 最後的訪問
上一個collection (很阿凡達那個) inspiration 是來自電影裏的外星人
他說想把模特兒的腳變得像外星人的腳一樣就做出那種龍蝦鞋咯
哈哈 當然事情並不是那麽容易 不過出發點很相似嘛

嗯 對了 方大同的狂潮很好聽
今天也覺得蘇打綠的交響夢特別好聽

很想把不穿的衣服都賣掉 不過ebay一大堆的字令人看完會昏頭
死人camberwell market 干麽要full booking 讓我七月回來才動手

怎麽這個post好像我在跟自己説話 nicolee 一定是我看你多了

笑柄

星期天 病了
惡惡混混的一個long weekend
很多東西得去做也變得懶惰
連轉個身 吃東西也懶
曾經再某個地方聽過 ‘你的日子如何，你的力量也必如何’
好像是盧覓雪的
其實也不太清楚解釋 （麻煩解籤）
不過跟今天幸然還在活動的腦細胞好配

其實一直都知道自己寫的 多會成為笑柄
如果我能把想到的垃圾變成美麗的藝術就好
難得感情能被專重

這個世界太物質主義了吧

還沒好好的感受
雪花綻放的氣候
我們一起顫抖
會更明白什么是溫柔
還沒跟你牽著手
走過荒蕪的沙丘
可能從此以后學會珍惜
天長和地久
有時候有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開都有時候
沒有什么會永垂不朽
可是我有時候
寧愿選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透
也許你會陪我看細水長流

還沒為你把紅豆
熬成纏綿的傷口
然后一起分享
會更明白相思的哀愁
還沒好好的感受
醒著親吻的溫柔
可能在我左右
你才追求孤獨的自由
有時候有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開都有時候
沒有什么會永垂不朽
可是我有時候
寧愿選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透
也許你會陪我看細水長流

有時候有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開都有時候
沒有什么會永垂不朽
可是我有時候
寧愿選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透
也許你會陪我看細水長流



麻木的好幾天

感覺好像不喜歡的，都做齊了
喜歡的，一點也沒碰過

連聼歌的心情也沒有
有時耳朵好像被block住了
腦袋想個氣球，滿了，卻是空空的。

很想找個人靜靜坐下來，聼我，安撫我，給我一個擁抱。

不是你的，沒有義務去做，你也不好意思問。

有限

所有東西都有他的限度的

我手提電話每個月都只有$29worth的信用額
我家的internet每個月也只有幾十gb流量
連容忍也有限度

我不知道你能忍受我的程度到哪裏去
我不希望會有超額的一天，還是不回頭那種

關係應該不會有限額了吧

你説笑的話我有你就成了 in theory 是不可以的 可是 in practice 我不肯定
老實說昨晚跟你通話後到現在 我想
就算全世界真的抛棄我 離遠我 當然我會很傷心
不過 如果你還在 什麽身份也好 我應該會很感恩的

如果我倆每次通話的時候 想到什麽說什麽 每一句說出口的東西都是真心的 就好了
我知道 我倆都在隱瞞些東西 並沒惡意
只是你的理智在告訴你不要想 話都會吞下去躲在肚子算
而我害怕自己的一言一語會影響天氣 說出口的都以joking當藉口 趕快把話塞回後腦

最近變得詞窮了 原因不明

真的好恨你 常常在通話中說我們要做什麽什麽 到真的回來的時候 又變心了

其實我覺得自己也挺傻瓜的 怎麽把東西都統統寫下來任你看呀 我豈不是陣亡了
你都對我的事了如指掌 我卻一知半解的 哎呀

今天不懂收尾 你看到的話: 麻煩寄我一封電郵 謝

shit chinese.

上個post 我不懂形容 是真心話 100巴仙沒經過過累的話
看上去 像狂言 其實也不過是很傷心 很氣憤 很失望 很無奈 的吞吐

我不會再怨澳洲的，要怨的上年都怨完了
現在只好怪自己

看facebook； 聼你們每天的日子； 感覺好像跟你們越來越大距離
你們好像在快活地大步大步向前走
而我跟原地大步沒什麽兩樣

雖然很想你們去明白我有多渴望你們的關心 不過我很少expect你們去做什麽
只是有時看見人家為好朋友做很貼心的事的時候 會問自己爲什麽沒有
我不是不滿足 能有朋友 是幾生修來的 疑心丁點兒也不應該存在

我只是無奈距離慢慢的在expand 好像不能再像以前一樣自然地sync
好像慢慢的在失去你們 我很想做點事 不過大家都忙了 。

im in desperate urge of self cultivation.

oh miss cheung is a lunatic.

okay. just so you know. i would never really intend to write english anymore. except when im at school, because typing chinese in macs is really quite annoying.but since accounting is gonna fin in like 5 to 10 minutes, channels gonna switch pretty soon (it didnt because i typed without thinking. and by the time i fin the bell rang) . i do realised that most of the time i just love talking about sad shit stuff here. i guess happy things could be said to anybody anytime. but shit stuff cant. theres no one (fact: i have no friends whatsoever now. i dont think i do, in a anyway) to. so it comes to that the blabbing has to go somewhere. and sorry if my words arent making sense. they never do really. everyone knows my english is shit and i still hav to write/type in english. fuck this.
you know. sometimes. i start thinking about this really primary schools question. WHAT ARE THE QUALITIES THAT GOOD FRIENDS HAVE. you know. maybe im just an anti social person. or something. i remember i used to believe ive got a whole heap of great friends. and when you really swirl around and look at it the other way. ah haha too bad YOU DONT. as a matter of fact. sometimes maybe im just saying ive got friends because i really dont. you know how people emphasize something because they are lying. mmhmm maybe thats whats happening here.
ive turned really gay this week. i dont know where im heading. i feel greatly reluctant in turning into this different person. but i know i am alreaady. i dont talk the way i used to do. seriously, i ve gone a little more serious. i was skyping with jeffrey yesterday. and i realised. i dont really laugh at what he thinks at times now. like we dont sync. i dont know. and i dont know how to draw those retarded little monsters now. maybe its just i dont like drawing them now, afteralll people get on and off things.
but you know, sometimes you tthink someone is like really close to you. and you put some hopes up on them. expecting them to do certain things. they wont. they prefer something for themselves over you. it's okay. maybe im just too sensitive here. (and maybe its human deadly factual that people are just real selfish) you know. maybe it shouldnt be as complicated as i think it is. just yeah. i dislike this year. and last year . and from 0:00 of the stage to melbourne. it has already startd sucking shit. i love whining dont i. god me. i think all i can ever do is whine. so much for all those best friends crap. PLEASE. IF they really were your best friends they would do so much more for you. you're just like one of those stupid girls who hit their heads on the wall for nothing. or maybe you can just really expect this, you know, there is never really equivalent 'velocity' in friendships.
(so what is this ronnie. why are you making such a big big deal about this. (i tend to get angry when im disappointed. like most people. idk) your angry how nicolee prefers her convinience than you. it's really nothing. it's not much of a big deal. they dont pick you up normally anyway so whats this big fuzz about? well you know. and the reason you didnt scream/yelled at her across the msn conversation is because you know it wouldnt really mean anything even if you did yelled or something. and it would be awkward when you guys meet up anyway because you commanded for it not out of their own will. and also this entire willy business. i thought you said youve got over it. you know. so what the shit is that. i know you dont obsess over him anymore (woah im like telling eveyrbody. but okay, go on, your pissed,). but yeah . okay it annoys me. how he talks but we never finish. i mean. why are alll your friends so ignorant now? is it you or is it them. understood, work. but yeah. it wouldnt really hurt to spare a moment or two right. its not like i dont hav work as well. haha so dont be dumb ronnie. everyones only care about themselves. its been like this since 100bc or something. so dont whine. you just havnt got it quite yet. oh yeah and you know you just mentioned your friends' name thye will find out? hahb yeah i know. i dont really giv for now. not for this very moment. you know. if you want to say something. fucking say it. and you and your quotes. you tell people to say what they really mean. but you dont. hypocrite you. and you. i dont know what to say. you just piss me of every other day. and fyi to all. its not pms. because i just had it last week. thanks-

good weather

so. i feel like typing in english today. it's been awhile.
and im in a good mood.
because, im nearly done for costumes, only 3 skirts left to overlock.
and im having a spare now to organise my life abit.
and i get to change to chinese from bio. i actually like bio. but not the plant side of it. so shame. and the teacher is not really my kind, like the way she teaches. as a matter of fact, i like ms guest better. oh yeah, so. if i dont like the plannt side, i like the dna side.

and since nisha foo foo + selina lees been telling me to write in english
and typing english in macs are easier. i might as well make this post convinient.

i feel less pressured today. i feel at ease. thou theres still tiny tingling in my heart. but music therapy works. those songs remind me of you. and even if you dont say it, i like the idea that your supporting me.

after wed. i'd hav so much to do. i hav to finish this book called unpolished gem. and math worksheet. and art appriciation. and english. i actually dont know what im supposed to do, i just know that i hav work. but not sure what. haha. i've bbeen so dettached to my homework. my moms getting pissy recently. like. yeah she turned off the internet without telling me. so childish man seriously. how childish can things get. im not bitching about her. ijust cant stand her monopulse. (is that how you spell monopulse?) she needs those little bottles for women in monopulse

so yeah. willy became vice without telling me. seriously so much for friends huh huh.
but yeah. this stupid gayass told me on "lin sam sup" that he was shopping in h&m and he wish i was there. and my mind totally went like stupid fucktard you always get that when im like not in hong kong. and when i acutally am, you never feel like it.

okay. im like rambling. sorry. but then. i need to talk. and angela. you know i've always wanted to send you an email. but like. things just get written down here. and no point really to type again about the same thing. and i dont hav much things too personal.
okay. spares oveer. hahah.

我是半個頭

假如ronnie cheung把自己生涯的轉淚點/體會課都寫下來
2010的第二件事一定是"當了house concert的head of costume"
在解釋detail之前 我必須澄清，我只是半個head而已
另外一個head是year 12，不過大部分organisation都是我做的，有一部分(一組舞)是她的
要跟另外一個人分享銜頭，其實不好受，畢竟，她好像不用太動腦筋
不過算了吧 反正能有人分擔以下sewing work未嘗不是好事 (拜托，她那個costume容易到不行好不好)
anyway，成爲半個頭，獲益良多，獲其實獲得很很很辛苦
都有一段時間沒這樣stressed out過了，stressed out到不知所操，到失眠，到差點哭了出來
costume星期三要完成了，從設計到現在製作，是短短的兩個半禮拜
材料: budget少，fabric也要買cheap點的，不好看
製作: 人手少，連兩個head只有大約6個人，其中兩個人還要表演跳舞/唱歌，根本很小時間參與
設計: 根本不夠時間被inspire，而且要切合人物，設計出來的，都不太喜歡。由於budget少+人手少+時間少，根本不可能做出什麽"大野"。

做出來的，有一部分還要被批評，對不起，我自己都覺得很垃圾，不過無能爲力。

爲了想辦法把那大堆垃圾有點作爲，我每天都真的很努力的想。

想到感覺像離魂一樣，希望能給大家更酷的服裝，不過總是欠點什麽，也許是資質有限，抱歉。

整個過程也是很對不起自己地度過，真的希望大家不要令我更難堪，不過現實卻是殘忍，不堅強點也不行。

其實，當初可以很cliche地做，可以跟著大夥兒(其他house)又來點fluro，又來點tutus

不過我不允許自己這樣，傻瓜，誰會去appriciate你的態度。

算，這場仗乃一番體會，其實煩惱的來源就是任性，愛跟自己的步伐走，如果理性點走cliche派，可能還會更成功。

張樂怡你這個死白痴，你什麽時候才可以學懂理性。

另外 老天爺大概在強烈提醒你的資質跟興趣不成對比。

看來未來 需要一個plan B.

RIP ALEXANDER MCQUEEN

you make miracles.

RAK THUR!

壞感覺

所謂的bad feeling 就是當你做了些令你覺得很不好意思的事而帶來的心絞痛
記憶中 bad feeling最深刻的一次是上年九月term break
玩得連跟爸爸的"飯局"都忘記了 氣死他 本來已經bad feeling 之後媽媽打電話責備，讓我bad feeling 到苦了

今天 把電話漏在試身室 店員把電話交給我後 奇怪地瞪著我 後來經過我去店口的時候 (她剛剛下崗) 跟我說"you didnt even say thank you" 我當時竟然還在發呆... 後來拜托了收銀員跟她幫我說謝謝便帶著怪怪的心情離開。
搞什麽，記憶明明記得是說了。 朋友說得對，我太多thoughts了，有時候，其實我是搞不懂嘴巴和腦袋之間的協調的。可能我只不過腦袋裏說了，字沒出口。對不起，不過我真的很感謝你。

也試過，小學的時候，不應該出口的東西，本來應該在腦袋裏，不過嘴巴竟然自把自為說了，搞到我被罰。

今天的腦好像啃住了，好像好多事要做。

美術和設計最欺人的地方就是每次都要把你腦汁渣盡，跟愛情一樣，不把你整殘，讓你好半死是不會罷休的。不過能製作令我快樂，真討厭。

盧廣仲的聽見了嗎很好聽。

apologize to nicolee

N，對不起 總不能讓太多人知道吧

有些事情 感覺很複雜，難以解決，其實也只不過是自己迷路而已

想不到你竟然選擇玩小朋友把戲-

某某的xanga

"溝通的困難，在於一個人如何努力也不能成事

你盡了力，你得不到回應，結果你用了多幾倍努力真正了解一個人，繞了幾個圈才明白你跟他根本沒法相處"


突然想起幾年前最令我倆為榮的，今日竟變成了我倆的障礙。

it's amazing.

羅密歐與朱麗葉

故事羅密歐與朱麗葉其中一個main theme是命運
2009年當我又再一次要寫羅密歐的essay的時候 我還是不相信命運的 認爲命運這東西只會在那種'懶可憐'的故事裏發生
2010年頭覺悟 (詞窮喔) 原來很多事都可能是meant to be的
(我大約一兩個月前post了去澳洲是如何meant to be 所以在這不多說了 要看自己翻blog吧)
從我聼的歌說起吧 如果很喜歡一首歌就會不停聼 聼到厭才會按聼
我從來不知道爲何我可以那麽be obsessed with一首歌的 除了好聽的因素，其餘是解釋不到
obsessed一小段時間還好的 (e.g. empire state of mind) 可是有些就不知爲何聼了一整年也不會倦 (e.g. 理智與感情)
昨晚睡不着 就那拿起ipod聼歌 嗯 又是那一群 鍾無艷 七百年後 説謊 月球上的人 nothing ever happened 理智與感情 ...
很用心去聼歌詞 原來obsessed的背後 是有原因的
因爲牽著某些事 才不肯放棄某些歌
in a way 可能是把自己relate to首歌 歌就無形地哼出感覺
長期主打大概是一點啓示
meant to be這三個具爭議性的詞 很多人都會聯想到老天爺
抱歉 我並不打算把'祂'拉進今日的討論範圍
我太不相信某某會把所有事鋪排好 不然樂趣到哪裏去了
就算 祂真的存在 總有一個可能性，就是祂在'照'著我們
意思即 所有事 老天爺沒有碰過我們的命 而是萬物總有定律 已經可以預計得到
定律不像數學formula，有那麽容易誰都可以算盡自己的路
真好笑 在你的尺子裏 如果是meant to be 就不會有那麽多離合
卻在我眼中 如果是meant to be 離才會有合
我不是說我們是羅密歐與朱麗葉 對我來説羅密歐與朱麗葉是超級大笨蛋 而且這樣說也太噁心了吧
寫到這裡 我決定不到應否post出來 一大篇的字，只不過在跟你的論點對抗
你看我整天想的東西繞一個大圈都是跟你有關
昨晚的message你看了沒有。

掩飾

(title原樂怡)
哈 竟把自己的名字曝光了
樂 指 快樂
怡 亦 怡神

兩字看起來孩子氣得很
感覺直譯快樂兒童
拆開反而看到比較男性的樂 和比較女性的怡
兩字原來屬中性

另外ronnie 聼像男名 其取veronica 女名

可能名字真的可以塑人
老實說，自己也挺中性的 (不是tb好不好)
外表上 這幾年的穿著總會站在雜誌裏所謂masculine的一邊
前幾年已經開始穿男裝t
近排更喜歡上西裝窄腳褲

聼起來並無特別 本來也不知道自己是什麽style 是朋友告訴我的
說我的style跟這排的trend很相近 (不是說自己很潮)(這排的trend好像沒有masculine喔)
覺悟了幾天 原來衣裝真可以reflect一個人的性格
很久以前已經知道自己是一個外剛内柔的人
小時很好勝 都不喜歡被比下去 後來很多事發生了 學習闊達 可能就是這樣出產了現在的我

想家的時候 通常都是躲起來哭的
至於朋友 重要得實在擔當不起去生氣 除非忍無可忍 我都不會哼一聲 (你肯定?)

雖然有時我挺喜歡自己外剛内柔
有心無心，都不會那麽容易被欺負嘛
可是有時別人就看不到自己到底在想什麽
你要的 別人根本就不會知道 以爲你毫不在乎

亂講了一通 我根本想不出結論

講到底可能我只是口不對心，什麽外剛内柔一大堆廢話。

這幾天都很亂
掙扎在what is supposed to happen和what you want to happen之間
可能post開頭不過在掩飾自己而已
都快一個禮拜了 想起最多的竟然是你
我真的很努力在裝沒事 可是對不起 辦不到 已經不能空以朋友身份去問候你
因爲你一個答案都會引起我太多問號 多得快要逼爆腦袋
就算隔著熒光莫 我也知道你快要被那些問號嚇怕
要我斷絕來往我也辦不到 很矛盾吧
誰叫 你是我喜歡的人 也是我知己 比任何人見過我"瘀"事還要多 比任何人能解決我的問題 (可這個就是你唯一不能解決的問題) 比任何人能令我快樂
誰叫我固執 哈哈 L先生也是這樣煩死的 現在天天都說要毆打我
請容忍我多幾個禮拜吧 好讓工作站時埋掉你
假期太空閒了 太多時間去想東西 我連分析陳奕迅的歌的時間都有 你可以想象了吧
從來不知道爲何廣東歌總是牽著我們 尤其是陳奕迅的歌
昨晚我睡不着便挑了你喜歡的歌聼 因爲我很多都從未認真聼過
很變態吧 我不想的 快要瘋 還能怎樣

家

一直很想講這個topic
不是指一家四口那種家
有人叫那個住著你跟親人的房子家
又有人叫他們住的比較長時間的地方家
另外有人很廣地形容某的面積就是他的家

家 到底應該很怎樣的
一直以來那種四面墻的家都不太穩定
每所房子住大約兩三年就喊搬
很多時候同一時間會有兩邊房子
剛搬到荔枝角的時候
我們會在weekend到元朗的房子住一晚
後來大家都越來越忙，元朗的房子最後還是賣了
後來因爲點問題 媽媽搬去黃埔
都不喜歡兩邊房子的感覺 自己的東西好像各散

上年我想我 pack 與 unpack 的次數太多 覺得很噁心 今年已經很累 沒心再這樣下去
我可以嗎? 不pack我回不了香港 那我會死的

對他們來説不重要吧 家長們從來只會從academic的角度來想你的事
任何東西想佔有/借有academy的圈圈 大人的眉頭會皺哦

有人曾經叫過boarding house家
媽媽曾經說過類似澳洲現在就是你家的話
兩樣我都覺得比pack unpack更噁心

長大以後讓我成家whatsoever後 非必要我都不會搬家的
嗯 還有 那個房子一定是在香港

時間來到

這個假期算短 不過發生了太多
回頭一望 也挺意想不到的

一
爺爺竟然走了 現在很想他的菜
前陣子學懂的‘珍惜’ 原來還未學有所成 忽略了他 現在我會好好珍惜嫲嫲的

二
我們變質 原來多見面多摩擦是真的 我從來沒想過我們結果是這樣
i really meant what i said in the previous post
我要跟你保持距離-
我不是在砍開我們的bond 沒有你做我的朋友是很不值得 而且我會不捨得的
seems really selfish.
但都是你鑄成的 我有體諒過 盡量豁達 盡量裝成毫不在意
我只是在有樣學樣 學你自私 學你"理智"
又不是沒有跟你投訴過
可你總會推三躺四 你連道歉一聲也懶得做 何況為我們收復關係
待你有多點兒人性再來找我吧
哈 可能你都不會bother.
我不是死八婆 其實我很清楚你沒有我所說的那麽切底地差
不過你一天不表達你真正想什麽
我一秒也不想踫到你的armour

三
跟好朋友們立定了將來的路
不需precise, just as reference in what we want
另外來保持我們的友誼 :)
一路在plan 就發覺距離成年的路不遠
今晚跟爸爸約定了 如果我考到好的大學
那yr 12後的那個旅行費用就他負責
其實他不offer我也會很努力的 因爲真的很想做想做的事
另外很想減肥 6月要當伴娘 很想第一次穿伴娘裙狀態好點
and more and more.

四
要搬家了 (香港)
聽説近排樓市好 現在居住的房子的價值比剛買還要高
爸爸可能會自行搬東西
雖然很多東西已pack 好
很不捨得 太多感情牽連著房子 喜怒哀樂
貼在衣櫃，墻上的東東都taken off了 房間很空洞寂寞
想象不到下一所房子會是什麽樣子的
感到恐懼


可能 有人會問怎麽我整天在得罪melb
理由很簡單 我毫不介意那裏的人怎麽想
本來我就不是愛耍nice的人 一直都是感情把人軟掉
他們沒有我記得愛的地方 就不值得我去nice
有人是例外的 可大部分都很討厭
我可以很大情大姓地保證
once im over with the education 我再也不要會來這個爛地方

自閉吧

曾經有兩位朋友成爲這件事的聆聽者和advicer
他們的背景很不同 昨晚的事
那位叫你好仔的朋友還在安慰我，說起碼你肯解釋，起碼你承應。
另外一位，其實也沒什麽advice，不過他的comment又來的很貼切。
他說，你那麽愛你的圈圈的話，就不需要朋友啦，要不如自閉吧。

一直以來我們都是好朋友
當好朋友的高峰，可能就這個假期吧
我想我以朋友的身份從來沒那麽care過
你不喜歡被關心
那，就我要學懂放棄你
根本成件事你只不過在乎你自己的感覺
我說不想再理你
你的回應是 'why is life so fucked up'
我想你根本沒有想過我的感受吧
整個對話你根本就是説: 我就是這樣的。
你沒有說出口，不過你的内容就是這樣子。
"我被外來的因素改變了"
"im selfish, but who isn't"
好像你真的沒有丁點兒罪。
那好，如果這就是你，而你覺得是沒有辦法為自己作出任何改動
我必須逃離
否則我會很重傷
我討厭那些什麽都只顧自己的人。
反正你朋友多的是，少我一個不少。

this is why people always say: you are not alone.

最近的心理糾結在理性與任性之間，雖然這一切無疑是讓所努力的變得更強大，但所堅持的卻令我無法抓緊眼前機會，竟然有重演過往經歷的那一段戲碼多熟悉又令人噁心。開始懷疑那些我嚮往和欣賞的大概也有不為人知的一面，不想展示的可能是用放大鏡才能看到的一滴小污點，又或者他們已經找到了那平衡點好讓事情能往前走又不至於抓狂。這是悲哀嗎，還是人本來就該學習的一課，那我該死的還在幼幼班階段。

給我多一點智慧好不好。

source: 蔣雅文



...我想说每个人都差不多
不一样的血肉之躯在痛苦快乐面前
我们都平起平坐
全世界的脉搏
让我们用心抚摸
别人的眼泪随时来自你和我的双眼
有那么多人在寂寞就没有人寂寞...

...别人的遗憾当中看到自己犯过的错...

source: 林宥嘉 - 感同身受



我沒有特地去找這些東東的，都是巧遇發現的。看來老天爺也想安撫我，支持著我理性的一方。

izuoka misaki

i like her.

零碎的思想

繼上一次其實打了兩篇日記，不過決定不post了 (quote) "時差6? 個小時的好友都嗅到了我黑色的味道，我應該停了吧。" 有些内容，我不想再提。烏雲密布的日子都會換來彩虹，我的彩虹不必太顯眼，只需要提醒我it's not the end of the world.

"現階段，你就是我的特效藥
你的存在比任何朋友的安慰來得貼心
這大概都是因爲你有兩個身分吧
哈哈 也許我該下點苦功找個女best friend
否則我一輩子都要黏著你"


"也許i should occupy myself with something
不過總會有讓我想起你的時候

你沒有做錯 it's actually all my fault
我任性
其實我理智不了 都是來騙大家的"

向來就是一個滿腦fantasy的人 喜歡想未來: 去什麽大學 結交什麽朋友 做什麽工作 住什麽房子 跟什麽的人結婚 (不要誤會) 去什麽地方旅遊

抹殺事情如何發生的各種可能性 對我而言是很黑色的

你就是相反吧

就像你一直以來都是悲觀派 我就是樂觀派

今天的喪禮timing也挺好的
剛好我在想未來
整個喪禮 令我最心酸的就是看著嫲嫲哭
我可以從她的動作 眼神 表情 看得出，她的心真的很痛很痛 像被撕開一樣
要跟相處了好幾個10年，一起過了大半生，最依賴，最親，最能明白你的人分開
我連想也不敢想

另外想到的就是父母親離開的時候
真的很少會看到爸爸哭
到我的時候 究竟我會再衆人前說什麽話呢
我想起碼我一定會翻開這個blog 太多感情被記錄了吧

晚上吃飯的時候 我竟然問媽媽關於大學的問題 我還真怪

突然想起，對了，被tagged的人，請記得邀請我去你們的婚禮，兒女滿月酒，喪禮。
如果忘記我，我會跟你絕交的! 哈哈 just joking，不過...
我跟nicole已經約定了! 婚禮酒席我們一定要坐在親友後那一張 (那張是給親人外最親的人)
你們應該 "識做" 啦 :)

the return of lipstick

變質 II

如我所說
聼不見你的聲音的時候
難受就會來拜訪我
擾人得今早六時就醒過來
知覺回來的那一刻
唯一想起的就是你昨晚的話

究竟
應該
如何變得你所謂的理智
如何把發生過的視爲過雲雨


哈 竟然讓我在聯想到的歌裏找到這一句

如可　這麼理智的話
那段愛可能是假


給 很要好朋友
這一秒 我比任何人更討厭時間的存在
我很清楚 無論我怎樣力挽狂瀾也是無補于事
一個禮拜 一個月 半年 一年 兩年後的事 誰也不能預計
誰可以保證我們還會是很要好的
誰可以保證我們不會各行各路
也許你會猜對 我們會一直這樣下去
但我的第六感 也可能會靈驗

對不起
我知某個程度上 你也很難受
當朋友當了那麽久 我是第一次不會跟你問個明白
縱然很想知 不過我煩住你的話 你可能不會找我了
你一句簡單的‘很難解釋’也許也能暫時給我足夠的氧氣

也很抱歉
我沒有expect你去讀這篇垃圾 你本來就很少上facebook
我沒有任何intention再為這件事離補過失

我只是在寄望著寫完就會換來好心情的可能性

the best?

沒有人可以告訴你什麽最好的
物質上 當然可以 最優秀的學校 最上等的茶

感覺呢?

別人覺得最好聼的歌 不一定是你覺得最好聼的歌
如果你們喜歡的歌都一樣 (特別當那首歌不是latest hit)
that must mean something.

每個人最喜歡的人都不一樣
如果大家都成爲了對方最喜歡的人 (特別當沒有人跟你平排)
that must mean something.

哈哈 有點離題了


so，what's the best?

所有東西都是相對的，(可能數字除外)
最差的讓你發現最好的 (so i guess, 謝謝最差的存在)
有comparison 才可以特顯最好的，好在那裏

可不要因爲某東西是最好的才來appriciate他
因爲有一天 他可能會離開你
就算不離開你 萬物都會有變質的一日


很喜歡主觀，執著的你。可就是你的主觀，執著治死了我們。

fairytales

i like the colour combination of this photo. reminds me of dreams, fairytales and lunacy.

隨波逐流

近排可能看多了很會潛意識地慫恿你去買什麽什麽單品 (什麽形容詞呀 - -) 的雜誌
變得很有意欲去買雜誌裏提及的

老實說 我其實分不出最近買/想買的衣服到底是
a) 被雜誌成功慫恿而買
b) 因爲雜誌曾經介紹過，而覺得擁有會是不錯的主意而買
c) 自己喜歡款色而買

注意: abc是可以並存的。另外，a 跟 b 是有分別的。a 的出發點是盲目的，因爲流行而買。
b 的出發點是理智的，是從自己的角度出發的。a 跟 b 是不會矛盾的，因爲兩者間可以有一個立足地。

這令我一直在擔心我是否在隨波逐流

身邊的朋友一向提倡uniqueness的quality
我自己也很喜歡這個

可能雜誌就是店子的marketing guide
所以我被提點的，都會出現

我想，都不要緊吧
至少我沒有被埋沒在overration裏
至少我很清楚自己是什麽材料，沒有那個本事穿是一定不會穿的 e.g 很想穿像blair一樣的紅色tights, 不過身為粗腿派，算了吧。


至少我依然理智-

好吧 時裝經，我不敢說太多，會被取笑的。
可不要因爲‘鬼唔知咩’而笑，因爲我真的遇過很跟風的人。


這幾天我在更新shopping wishlist，就來一個吧。

- 更多knit ，uniqlo男裝有扣子的羊毛紅色外套很好看，還有V領上衣，跟大圈圈頸巾(那些無"尾"的頸巾，平面看是一個大圓圈。

- 紳士鞋，所謂的oxford shoes。對，我沒有，想要了超久，還好，時間證明了我的愛跟她的timelessness.

- celine ss 2010 的整個collection, 哈哈 我只是在空想而已。

- 黑色蕾絲内衣，對，bra，很好看。黑色跟蕾絲的組合常有誰不出的氣質。

- 更多窄腳褲，不是skinny jeans，而是西裝褲，大腿cutting較鬆，小腿較窄。(上個禮拜在zara買了一條，沒有看清楚標簽就扔去洗衣機，原來只可以乾洗，雖然沒有宿水，可是質地變了，心痛死。)

- 高筒air force, 要cool tone的

- 連身長褲，在雜誌裏看到就一見鍾情了。本來在2008買了一條黑色工人短褲，可是2009急速增磅，穿不下 :( 這次決定要早一些較鬆身的

- maxi dress 連身長裙 一直很想要，曾經嘗試自己做一條，結果顔色和質料都選錯了，被改成不同連身裙。也曾經找到(外表上)心儀的，不過可能是身形(高度，肥瘦也好)的問題，也可能是cutting，媽媽說穿起像個大肚婆。

that's it for now. 總不能一次過放太盡，否則下次會顯得平凡 (不代表我這次很出色)

到哪去了

抱歉我一連三發的post
哈哈 真的想太多了

這次回來香港發覺自己對街道，人群好像少了一份愛
上年的今天 好快樂 總會笑 不會抱怨 (真的很少)

willy 說，他討厭 change
作爲當時的‘旁觀者’，或身為 listener
我只好說點安慰的話: 那是必然的

但當你變成‘當局者’ 噢，原來係敢既。

感覺自己，好像變得有點 俗
就是所謂的 cheap

我不是說我以前很高貴 (一定不是)
只不過欠了那種 it's okay 的心態

前幾天在旺角的街道上被位伯伯撞到了
很大力 我反應很大 跟媽媽大聲地 ''ughhhh''

像是不會再用見怪不怪的角度來想東西，又變得衝動，像個奧巴桑。

感覺好模糊 不過我肯定，something's gone.

内外兼備

最近迷上了日本拜金文化

“架妹”愛跟風的程度無人能比 尤其是辣妹派
聼起來很主觀 不過感覺的確如此
超級物質主義 有點盲目 不過一既如往，令人羡慕
這個point 可以從香港每個街頭容易體會

我迷上的
不是他們要風得風的模式（雖然幾想要) 也不是那種extreme kawaiiness
而是他們追求完美的態度

爸爸在工作上其實是一位完美主意者
我基本上 fail to acknowledge 完美主意原來可以apply 落各種area

2010 resolution 終于有定案

被看貶

一向inspiring的老爸剛剛對我理想的life schedule做出令人沉下來的貶笑
''你? 唔好講笑啦"

挺擅長自我安慰的張樂怡心裏便偷偷寄望著那一句，只不過是激將法而已 (拜托 我的中文真的超爛 要加緊練習才行)

不過 橋唔怕舊 至緊要work
哈哈 心中那團火竟然又被燃點了

目前爲止，我真的不可以很清晰地答你我的志願
轉眼10年，已經不可以像小學一年班，輕而易舉地揮一篇很理想的夢

小説，電影和電視劇常捧的follow your dream，講就易

某某的哥哥，想開賣釣魚用品店，講就易，能維持生計嗎

親愛的老媽曾經說過總有要向現實低頭的時候 (大概的意思是這樣的)

很快 便真的要認真起來了
心裏其實真的有點害怕
下2年的路 感覺跟‘過5關砍6將’幾乎可以相提並論

做錯便就做錯了 無得返轉頭 亦無得‘下次做好d’

-心情被一個Willy Wu打擾了-

-

搞什麽的
你啊
把我搞糊塗了
我們之間的 到底是什麽啊
又是我desperate的錯嗎
我們現在很好
好得有點不懂形容
真的只是我們認定了的關係嗎
其他女生跟你大概都是這樣子呀
老實說我有時會妒忌的
不過 看到你另外一面
我有點另眼雙看
你是唯一一個讓我想將來的
之後的他也有啦
不過都泡湯了
這些年來你都在 這是一點啓示嗎

can this get any better?

i seriously have a good feeling about this.


"destiny" as Summer mentioned is making more sense than it ever had.

maybe weather does affect feelings.

felt terrible today.
how funny: one day you can be on top of the sky, next day you can drop dead on the cold concrete floor.


maybe tomorrow be another top of the sky.

it's been awhile but im still in love

OH (PAC)MAN, this is the sex.

love of life.

i dropped my mouth open. clap clap clap; ily tsin.

in the blood.

hey it's december.

The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.

-haze

OCD

never think by rob pattinson continues to be one of my favorite song.
when i feel mentally sick at times, i tend to listen to it non stop.
it seems be the most comforting thing besides a hug.

14 days left in jail.
cannot bare the fact that im wasting time just watching tv, packing, watching movies, blogging and facebook. or perhaps a bit of wii. i did spend some time shopping. it came to me there not much to do but shopping if i step out of house. i thought about yoga. or maybe some dance.










black and white or color?

終于

let go of you.

definitely won't miss you anymore, 100% sure.
it's been nearly a year
thank you for seeing me that day, it helped alot.

貪心

算我貪心
考試的日子祈求偷懶的機會
空閒的日子盼望可以有點作爲

記得小時候每天只會喊悶
不懂利用時間 交多個朋友 學多種運動 明多點事理

回頭望 光陰真的浪費了
該怎麽做呢 做更多去補償 還是接受過錯罷了

16 年已過
最近突然發現這一年像是老天爺的安排

一
失去了aishk 很傷心 像身體的一部分都消失了 不完整
這 會跟媽媽的 相似嗎

二
最要好的朋友都不在 變得好孤獨
卻變得好親媽媽
相處的時間多了 發現 媽媽真的好偉大

三
大開眼界了
理想一致的對手多了
發覺 也到時候要加把勁
順便報答下父母吧

四
好累 太多了 當nicole堅決的告訴我她會回去的時候 我都不太在乎了
下兩年 也許會很難捱
可是 如果能腦袋闖一下 也許是值得的


傻話。

angela might want a boyfriend with this.

maybe i was the trigger.

Police have arrested a 16-year-old boy suspected of blackmailing a fellow student at the Australian International School by threatening to post a video of her naked body on the internet.
The boy is one of two students expelled by the leading international school for suspected criminal offences and reported to police since the start of term on October 12, according to the school, which charges annual fees of up to HK$112,000.

Parents and students say the Kowloon Tong school has been rocked by the nude video incident and the expulsion of another 16-year-old boy for selling drugs, including marijuana and muscle-building steroids, to fellow students on campus.

A police spokeswoman said last night that a 16-year-old boy, who had been expelled from Australian International School, was arrested on Thursday night on suspicion of criminal intimidation and blackmail and had been released on bail.

The youth was also assisting police with their inquiries into a case of assault occasioning actual bodily harm that took place outside an international school on Wednesday night.
A police spokesman said the criminal intimidation and blackmail case had been reported to Kowloon City police station on October 27.

“It is alleged that a suspect threatened to publish naked images of a female on the internet unless he was paid money,” the spokesman said.

One parent, who asked not to be named, said the two cases were just the latest of four expulsions this year, with a Year 11 student thrown out in the spring for stealing a wallet and a Year 10 student with a record of troublemaking kicked out last term.

The father said his son had told him the student expelled for drugs was a big drugs supplier at the school and had approached him about muscle-building steroids, which could only be bought on prescription by adults.

The father said the school had just held an assembly warning students about the dangers of drug abuse, when a student in his son’s home group had threatened a girl with distributing a video clip, which showed her naked, to other students unless she paid him HK$2,000.

Students said the girl had stripped off at the Year 10 student’s request while they chatted over the internet on webcams and the boy had secretly recorded her, according to the father.
A girl in Year 12, who asked not to be named, said someone had uploaded the nude video onto the internet two weeks ago and some boys had also been watching it on their mobile phones and had been suspended. The girl in the video, who students said had been in a relationship with the expelled boy, had appeared more subdued following the incident, the Year 12 girl said.

Her friend, also in Year 12, said they both knew the 16-year-old boy, who had recently sought counselling for behavioural problems.

“We also saw him hitting a guy near our school on Wednesday,” she said.
Secondary principal Phil Waugh said: “Two students were expelled this term due to serious disciplinary breaches. Both of these have been of a criminal nature and have been appropriately reported to the police.

“Due to their ongoing investigations, and the need to protect students who have been affected by these incidents, we will not comment any further on these specific incidents.
“Our school does not tolerate criminal behaviour, particularly those that will compromise the welfare and education of others in a negative way. Our school is committed to providing students with a safe, supportive learning environment.”

Waugh said the school had addressed the issues with student year groups in collaboration with its student counsellor and parents, using a combination of reward, guidance and discipline.
The school would also be discussing the issue of criminal behaviour among students with “the other top-tier international schools”, to ensure that “we monitor the situation between our schools and collaborate on the best ways to combat any disturbing trends”.

Kenneth Chan Tsan-ming, an expert in juvenile behavioural problems at the Hong Kong Institute of Education, said the crime rate among young people in the city had gone down over the past three years but drug abuse among children of school age was growing.



luke pickering: you didnt have fucking to do that.


credit: angela, sarah.

4 days.

til my birthday.

it's so damn fast. i remember the time i said the same thing when i was probably 13/14.
now im going to 16.
once i got told, once you get 16, time will pass really really fast.
i really dont want that to happen.

im kind of scared
when i get to a certain age, perhaps i'll say the same thing like my mother: it feels like theres no time to waste.
i never really looked forward to this age. 16. sounds more like a burden to me.

i used to say i wanna grow up faster. now hold on, please slow down.

it's always good to be a child. the days are spent on incredibly addictive cartoon, plastic colorful toys, marathon phone calls, and so much more.
at this point of life. i might not be so immature or naive, but it wont be mature yet. im growing, and learning. looking back at the 16 years. i appriciated love from my dad, mom and my sister.

dad. you've always been the man for me. you taught me alot, from how to use the dvd recorder to what it's a good career for me, a thousands thank yous. your dynamic Kentdesign transforming from a toy design company to a commerical design company inspires me. thanks for everything. every single possesion of mine, exists because of you.

mom. your excellence in being mother is incredibly. you cook the best food, you've been a like filipino helper since we came to aus, your effort makes me speechless. thanks for all the care. although sometimes we share diffferent views. and i would think that you've been wrong decisions. it's acknowledged that you want the best for me.

sister. i've been a really bad sister when you were young. practically i was a bitch. i really enjoy time with you now. and mom and dad had made the right choice shooting you out to the world. because i'd be lonely as hell without you.

friends in aishk. i cant say im speechless. because seriously honestly none of the words in any language can describe how i feel. i really did think that, aishk is the best place of the world.

friends in plc. i might be a pain in the ass. due the channeling problem. i think im tuning it. not intentionally. but maybe you guys are slowly invading into me.

ON A BRIGHT SIDE.
HOW COULD ANYBODY NOT DESERVE A NICE PRESENT ON THEIR 16 BIRTHDAY
okay. like. not hint anything- dont misunderstand.

16 WISHLIST.

-summer fedora
- daydress (<< new obsession. tshirt dress, sleeveless dress, etc etc)
-yankees cap. the one with in blue and white font :)))
- beach top: those wide collar top basically
- boho skirt print prints prints!
-mesh/print top
- menstank: loose tank basically. i'd be nice with little details like pockets.
- metallic blue / met purple / white eyeliner
- bright red/ nude lipstick.

me greedy pig.

woohoo. IM GOIING SHOPPING LATERRR!

:)

be critical

i mean it. be critical.
i was never talented at drawing.
i never like drawing. actually i did when i was in primary school. but people laughed at my drawing then i gave up.
i rushed through these.
personally. i think they are excrement (crap). but whatever, i like opinions. because opinions let me know where i have to improve. and it would be greatly appriciated if you do be critical and comment/cbox.
p.s. im having trouble with the hair.
click to enlarge.

someone tell me if this is amanda s?

gangsta

One who willfully promotes and participates in destructive and self-serving culture in an effort to project a particular image of 'toughness' or to make oneself intimidating. Willingness to blatantly and horrifically misuse English is a necessity, as is a low IQ and sub-par education (or at least the appearance thereof).

symtoms - this is in general, there are always exceptions.
- live in their own world
- believe that all they need in the world is women and money
- believe that only hot women and their bros are the only species that exist in the world
- believe that it's so cool to screw their lives up
- proud of screwing their lives up
- thinks that violence is the way of life
- extremely low EQ

add more