所有東西都有他的限度的
我手提電話每個月都只有$29worth的信用額
我家的internet每個月也只有幾十gb流量
連容忍也有限度
我不知道你能忍受我的程度到哪裏去
我不希望會有超額的一天，還是不回頭那種
關係應該不會有限額了吧
你説笑的話我有你就成了 in theory 是不可以的 可是 in practice 我不肯定
老實說昨晚跟你通話後到現在 我想
就算全世界真的抛棄我 離遠我 當然我會很傷心
不過 如果你還在 什麽身份也好 我應該會很感恩的
如果我倆每次通話的時候 想到什麽說什麽 每一句說出口的東西都是真心的 就好了
我知道 我倆都在隱瞞些東西 並沒惡意
只是你的理智在告訴你不要想 話都會吞下去躲在肚子算
而我害怕自己的一言一語會影響天氣 說出口的都以joking當藉口 趕快把話塞回後腦
最近變得詞窮了 原因不明
真的好恨你 常常在通話中說我們要做什麽什麽 到真的回來的時候 又變心了
其實我覺得自己也挺傻瓜的 怎麽把東西都統統寫下來任你看呀 我豈不是陣亡了
你都對我的事了如指掌 我卻一知半解的 哎呀
今天不懂收尾 你看到的話: 麻煩寄我一封電郵 謝
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
shit chinese.
上個post 我不懂形容 是真心話 100巴仙沒經過過累的話
看上去 像狂言 其實也不過是很傷心 很氣憤 很失望 很無奈 的吞吐
我不會再怨澳洲的，要怨的上年都怨完了
現在只好怪自己
看facebook； 聼你們每天的日子； 感覺好像跟你們越來越大距離
你們好像在快活地大步大步向前走
而我跟原地大步沒什麽兩樣
雖然很想你們去明白我有多渴望你們的關心 不過我很少expect你們去做什麽
只是有時看見人家為好朋友做很貼心的事的時候 會問自己爲什麽沒有
我不是不滿足 能有朋友 是幾生修來的 疑心丁點兒也不應該存在
我只是無奈距離慢慢的在expand 好像不能再像以前一樣自然地sync
好像慢慢的在失去你們 我很想做點事 不過大家都忙了 。
im in desperate urge of self cultivation.
看上去 像狂言 其實也不過是很傷心 很氣憤 很失望 很無奈 的吞吐
我不會再怨澳洲的，要怨的上年都怨完了
現在只好怪自己
看facebook； 聼你們每天的日子； 感覺好像跟你們越來越大距離
你們好像在快活地大步大步向前走
而我跟原地大步沒什麽兩樣
雖然很想你們去明白我有多渴望你們的關心 不過我很少expect你們去做什麽
只是有時看見人家為好朋友做很貼心的事的時候 會問自己爲什麽沒有
我不是不滿足 能有朋友 是幾生修來的 疑心丁點兒也不應該存在
我只是無奈距離慢慢的在expand 好像不能再像以前一樣自然地sync
好像慢慢的在失去你們 我很想做點事 不過大家都忙了 。
im in desperate urge of self cultivation.
oh miss cheung is a lunatic.
okay. just so you know. i would never really intend to write english anymore. except when im at school, because typing chinese in macs is really quite annoying.but since accounting is gonna fin in like 5 to 10 minutes, channels gonna switch pretty soon (it didnt because i typed without thinking. and by the time i fin the bell rang) . i do realised that most of the time i just love talking about sad shit stuff here. i guess happy things could be said to anybody anytime. but shit stuff cant. theres no one (fact: i have no friends whatsoever now. i dont think i do, in a anyway) to. so it comes to that the blabbing has to go somewhere. and sorry if my words arent making sense. they never do really. everyone knows my english is shit and i still hav to write/type in english. fuck this.
you know. sometimes. i start thinking about this really primary schools question. WHAT ARE THE QUALITIES THAT GOOD FRIENDS HAVE. you know. maybe im just an anti social person. or something. i remember i used to believe ive got a whole heap of great friends. and when you really swirl around and look at it the other way. ah haha too bad YOU DONT. as a matter of fact. sometimes maybe im just saying ive got friends because i really dont. you know how people emphasize something because they are lying. mmhmm maybe thats whats happening here.
ive turned really gay this week. i dont know where im heading. i feel greatly reluctant in turning into this different person. but i know i am alreaady. i dont talk the way i used to do. seriously, i ve gone a little more serious. i was skyping with jeffrey yesterday. and i realised. i dont really laugh at what he thinks at times now. like we dont sync. i dont know. and i dont know how to draw those retarded little monsters now. maybe its just i dont like drawing them now, afteralll people get on and off things.
but you know, sometimes you tthink someone is like really close to you. and you put some hopes up on them. expecting them to do certain things. they wont. they prefer something for themselves over you. it's okay. maybe im just too sensitive here. (and maybe its human deadly factual that people are just real selfish) you know. maybe it shouldnt be as complicated as i think it is. just yeah. i dislike this year. and last year . and from 0:00 of the stage to melbourne. it has already startd sucking shit. i love whining dont i. god me. i think all i can ever do is whine. so much for all those best friends crap. PLEASE. IF they really were your best friends they would do so much more for you. you're just like one of those stupid girls who hit their heads on the wall for nothing. or maybe you can just really expect this, you know, there is never really equivalent 'velocity' in friendships.
(so what is this ronnie. why are you making such a big big deal about this. (i tend to get angry when im disappointed. like most people. idk) your angry how nicolee prefers her convinience than you. it's really nothing. it's not much of a big deal. they dont pick you up normally anyway so whats this big fuzz about? well you know. and the reason you didnt scream/yelled at her across the msn conversation is because you know it wouldnt really mean anything even if you did yelled or something. and it would be awkward when you guys meet up anyway because you commanded for it not out of their own will. and also this entire willy business. i thought you said youve got over it. you know. so what the shit is that. i know you dont obsess over him anymore (woah im like telling eveyrbody. but okay, go on, your pissed,). but yeah . okay it annoys me. how he talks but we never finish. i mean. why are alll your friends so ignorant now? is it you or is it them. understood, work. but yeah. it wouldnt really hurt to spare a moment or two right. its not like i dont hav work as well. haha so dont be dumb ronnie. everyones only care about themselves. its been like this since 100bc or something. so dont whine. you just havnt got it quite yet. oh yeah and you know you just mentioned your friends' name thye will find out? hahb yeah i know. i dont really giv for now. not for this very moment. you know. if you want to say something. fucking say it. and you and your quotes. you tell people to say what they really mean. but you dont. hypocrite you. and you. i dont know what to say. you just piss me of every other day. and fyi to all. its not pms. because i just had it last week. thanks-
you know. sometimes. i start thinking about this really primary schools question. WHAT ARE THE QUALITIES THAT GOOD FRIENDS HAVE. you know. maybe im just an anti social person. or something. i remember i used to believe ive got a whole heap of great friends. and when you really swirl around and look at it the other way. ah haha too bad YOU DONT. as a matter of fact. sometimes maybe im just saying ive got friends because i really dont. you know how people emphasize something because they are lying. mmhmm maybe thats whats happening here.
ive turned really gay this week. i dont know where im heading. i feel greatly reluctant in turning into this different person. but i know i am alreaady. i dont talk the way i used to do. seriously, i ve gone a little more serious. i was skyping with jeffrey yesterday. and i realised. i dont really laugh at what he thinks at times now. like we dont sync. i dont know. and i dont know how to draw those retarded little monsters now. maybe its just i dont like drawing them now, afteralll people get on and off things.
but you know, sometimes you tthink someone is like really close to you. and you put some hopes up on them. expecting them to do certain things. they wont. they prefer something for themselves over you. it's okay. maybe im just too sensitive here. (and maybe its human deadly factual that people are just real selfish) you know. maybe it shouldnt be as complicated as i think it is. just yeah. i dislike this year. and last year . and from 0:00 of the stage to melbourne. it has already startd sucking shit. i love whining dont i. god me. i think all i can ever do is whine. so much for all those best friends crap. PLEASE. IF they really were your best friends they would do so much more for you. you're just like one of those stupid girls who hit their heads on the wall for nothing. or maybe you can just really expect this, you know, there is never really equivalent 'velocity' in friendships.
(so what is this ronnie. why are you making such a big big deal about this. (i tend to get angry when im disappointed. like most people. idk) your angry how nicolee prefers her convinience than you. it's really nothing. it's not much of a big deal. they dont pick you up normally anyway so whats this big fuzz about? well you know. and the reason you didnt scream/yelled at her across the msn conversation is because you know it wouldnt really mean anything even if you did yelled or something. and it would be awkward when you guys meet up anyway because you commanded for it not out of their own will. and also this entire willy business. i thought you said youve got over it. you know. so what the shit is that. i know you dont obsess over him anymore (woah im like telling eveyrbody. but okay, go on, your pissed,). but yeah . okay it annoys me. how he talks but we never finish. i mean. why are alll your friends so ignorant now? is it you or is it them. understood, work. but yeah. it wouldnt really hurt to spare a moment or two right. its not like i dont hav work as well. haha so dont be dumb ronnie. everyones only care about themselves. its been like this since 100bc or something. so dont whine. you just havnt got it quite yet. oh yeah and you know you just mentioned your friends' name thye will find out? hahb yeah i know. i dont really giv for now. not for this very moment. you know. if you want to say something. fucking say it. and you and your quotes. you tell people to say what they really mean. but you dont. hypocrite you. and you. i dont know what to say. you just piss me of every other day. and fyi to all. its not pms. because i just had it last week. thanks-
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
good weather
so. i feel like typing in english today. it's been awhile.
and im in a good mood.
because, im nearly done for costumes, only 3 skirts left to overlock.
and im having a spare now to organise my life abit.
and i get to change to chinese from bio. i actually like bio. but not the plant side of it. so shame. and the teacher is not really my kind, like the way she teaches. as a matter of fact, i like ms guest better. oh yeah, so. if i dont like the plannt side, i like the dna side.
and since nisha foo foo + selina lees been telling me to write in english
and typing english in macs are easier. i might as well make this post convinient.
i feel less pressured today. i feel at ease. thou theres still tiny tingling in my heart. but music therapy works. those songs remind me of you. and even if you dont say it, i like the idea that your supporting me.
after wed. i'd hav so much to do. i hav to finish this book called unpolished gem. and math worksheet. and art appriciation. and english. i actually dont know what im supposed to do, i just know that i hav work. but not sure what. haha. i've bbeen so dettached to my homework. my moms getting pissy recently. like. yeah she turned off the internet without telling me. so childish man seriously. how childish can things get. im not bitching about her. ijust cant stand her monopulse. (is that how you spell monopulse?) she needs those little bottles for women in monopulse
so yeah. willy became vice without telling me. seriously so much for friends huh huh.
but yeah. this stupid gayass told me on "lin sam sup" that he was shopping in h&m and he wish i was there. and my mind totally went like stupid fucktard you always get that when im like not in hong kong. and when i acutally am, you never feel like it.
okay. im like rambling. sorry. but then. i need to talk. and angela. you know i've always wanted to send you an email. but like. things just get written down here. and no point really to type again about the same thing. and i dont hav much things too personal.
okay. spares oveer. hahah.
and im in a good mood.
because, im nearly done for costumes, only 3 skirts left to overlock.
and im having a spare now to organise my life abit.
and i get to change to chinese from bio. i actually like bio. but not the plant side of it. so shame. and the teacher is not really my kind, like the way she teaches. as a matter of fact, i like ms guest better. oh yeah, so. if i dont like the plannt side, i like the dna side.
and since nisha foo foo + selina lees been telling me to write in english
and typing english in macs are easier. i might as well make this post convinient.
i feel less pressured today. i feel at ease. thou theres still tiny tingling in my heart. but music therapy works. those songs remind me of you. and even if you dont say it, i like the idea that your supporting me.
after wed. i'd hav so much to do. i hav to finish this book called unpolished gem. and math worksheet. and art appriciation. and english. i actually dont know what im supposed to do, i just know that i hav work. but not sure what. haha. i've bbeen so dettached to my homework. my moms getting pissy recently. like. yeah she turned off the internet without telling me. so childish man seriously. how childish can things get. im not bitching about her. ijust cant stand her monopulse. (is that how you spell monopulse?) she needs those little bottles for women in monopulse
so yeah. willy became vice without telling me. seriously so much for friends huh huh.
but yeah. this stupid gayass told me on "lin sam sup" that he was shopping in h&m and he wish i was there. and my mind totally went like stupid fucktard you always get that when im like not in hong kong. and when i acutally am, you never feel like it.
okay. im like rambling. sorry. but then. i need to talk. and angela. you know i've always wanted to send you an email. but like. things just get written down here. and no point really to type again about the same thing. and i dont hav much things too personal.
okay. spares oveer. hahah.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
我是半個頭
假如ronnie cheung把自己生涯的轉淚點/體會課都寫下來
2010的第二件事一定是"當了house concert的head of costume"
在解釋detail之前 我必須澄清，我只是半個head而已
另外一個head是year 12，不過大部分organisation都是我做的，有一部分(一組舞)是她的
要跟另外一個人分享銜頭，其實不好受，畢竟，她好像不用太動腦筋
不過算了吧 反正能有人分擔以下sewing work未嘗不是好事 (拜托，她那個costume容易到不行好不好)
anyway，成爲半個頭，獲益良多，獲其實獲得很很很辛苦
都有一段時間沒這樣stressed out過了，stressed out到不知所操，到失眠，到差點哭了出來
costume星期三要完成了，從設計到現在製作，是短短的兩個半禮拜
材料: budget少，fabric也要買cheap點的，不好看
製作: 人手少，連兩個head只有大約6個人，其中兩個人還要表演跳舞/唱歌，根本很小時間參與
設計: 根本不夠時間被inspire，而且要切合人物，設計出來的，都不太喜歡。由於budget少+人手少+時間少，根本不可能做出什麽"大野"。
做出來的，有一部分還要被批評，對不起，我自己都覺得很垃圾，不過無能爲力。
爲了想辦法把那大堆垃圾有點作爲，我每天都真的很努力的想。
想到感覺像離魂一樣，希望能給大家更酷的服裝，不過總是欠點什麽，也許是資質有限，抱歉。
整個過程也是很對不起自己地度過，真的希望大家不要令我更難堪，不過現實卻是殘忍，不堅強點也不行。
其實，當初可以很cliche地做，可以跟著大夥兒(其他house)又來點fluro，又來點tutus
不過我不允許自己這樣，傻瓜，誰會去appriciate你的態度。
算，這場仗乃一番體會，其實煩惱的來源就是任性，愛跟自己的步伐走，如果理性點走cliche派，可能還會更成功。
張樂怡你這個死白痴，你什麽時候才可以學懂理性。
另外 老天爺大概在強烈提醒你的資質跟興趣不成對比。
看來未來 需要一個plan B.
2010的第二件事一定是"當了house concert的head of costume"
在解釋detail之前 我必須澄清，我只是半個head而已
另外一個head是year 12，不過大部分organisation都是我做的，有一部分(一組舞)是她的
要跟另外一個人分享銜頭，其實不好受，畢竟，她好像不用太動腦筋
不過算了吧 反正能有人分擔以下sewing work未嘗不是好事 (拜托，她那個costume容易到不行好不好)
anyway，成爲半個頭，獲益良多，獲其實獲得很很很辛苦
都有一段時間沒這樣stressed out過了，stressed out到不知所操，到失眠，到差點哭了出來
costume星期三要完成了，從設計到現在製作，是短短的兩個半禮拜
材料: budget少，fabric也要買cheap點的，不好看
製作: 人手少，連兩個head只有大約6個人，其中兩個人還要表演跳舞/唱歌，根本很小時間參與
設計: 根本不夠時間被inspire，而且要切合人物，設計出來的，都不太喜歡。由於budget少+人手少+時間少，根本不可能做出什麽"大野"。
做出來的，有一部分還要被批評，對不起，我自己都覺得很垃圾，不過無能爲力。
爲了想辦法把那大堆垃圾有點作爲，我每天都真的很努力的想。
想到感覺像離魂一樣，希望能給大家更酷的服裝，不過總是欠點什麽，也許是資質有限，抱歉。
整個過程也是很對不起自己地度過，真的希望大家不要令我更難堪，不過現實卻是殘忍，不堅強點也不行。
其實，當初可以很cliche地做，可以跟著大夥兒(其他house)又來點fluro，又來點tutus
不過我不允許自己這樣，傻瓜，誰會去appriciate你的態度。
算，這場仗乃一番體會，其實煩惱的來源就是任性，愛跟自己的步伐走，如果理性點走cliche派，可能還會更成功。
張樂怡你這個死白痴，你什麽時候才可以學懂理性。
另外 老天爺大概在強烈提醒你的資質跟興趣不成對比。
看來未來 需要一個plan B.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
壞感覺
所謂的bad feeling 就是當你做了些令你覺得很不好意思的事而帶來的心絞痛
記憶中 bad feeling最深刻的一次是上年九月term break
玩得連跟爸爸的"飯局"都忘記了 氣死他 本來已經bad feeling 之後媽媽打電話責備，讓我bad feeling 到苦了
今天 把電話漏在試身室 店員把電話交給我後 奇怪地瞪著我 後來經過我去店口的時候 (她剛剛下崗) 跟我說"you didnt even say thank you" 我當時竟然還在發呆... 後來拜托了收銀員跟她幫我說謝謝便帶著怪怪的心情離開。
搞什麽，記憶明明記得是說了。 朋友說得對，我太多thoughts了，有時候，其實我是搞不懂嘴巴和腦袋之間的協調的。可能我只不過腦袋裏說了，字沒出口。對不起，不過我真的很感謝你。
也試過，小學的時候，不應該出口的東西，本來應該在腦袋裏，不過嘴巴竟然自把自為說了，搞到我被罰。
今天的腦好像啃住了，好像好多事要做。
美術和設計最欺人的地方就是每次都要把你腦汁渣盡，跟愛情一樣，不把你整殘，讓你好半死是不會罷休的。不過能製作令我快樂，真討厭。
盧廣仲的聽見了嗎很好聽。
記憶中 bad feeling最深刻的一次是上年九月term break
玩得連跟爸爸的"飯局"都忘記了 氣死他 本來已經bad feeling 之後媽媽打電話責備，讓我bad feeling 到苦了
今天 把電話漏在試身室 店員把電話交給我後 奇怪地瞪著我 後來經過我去店口的時候 (她剛剛下崗) 跟我說"you didnt even say thank you" 我當時竟然還在發呆... 後來拜托了收銀員跟她幫我說謝謝便帶著怪怪的心情離開。
搞什麽，記憶明明記得是說了。 朋友說得對，我太多thoughts了，有時候，其實我是搞不懂嘴巴和腦袋之間的協調的。可能我只不過腦袋裏說了，字沒出口。對不起，不過我真的很感謝你。
也試過，小學的時候，不應該出口的東西，本來應該在腦袋裏，不過嘴巴竟然自把自為說了，搞到我被罰。
今天的腦好像啃住了，好像好多事要做。
美術和設計最欺人的地方就是每次都要把你腦汁渣盡，跟愛情一樣，不把你整殘，讓你好半死是不會罷休的。不過能製作令我快樂，真討厭。
盧廣仲的聽見了嗎很好聽。
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