pathetic

i've been thinking alot about the word 'mad' lately

mad rabbits
madhatter
maddy


and i've gone mad, i think.
til now i still struggle to accept the truth that i'm changing
and i have absolutely no control over it.
shit.

evidence-

today i have laughed the hardest laughter ever since i came here, with those new friends
i laughed so hard my stomach ache
oh yes, they made me laugh
something they have not done before
quite impressive.

we had to bend our back, look down and turn for 6-7 circles
then run along the corridor
it was wicked
you must see the video
everyone was falling to the side while they ran
it was hilarious,
and i, without much coordination and balance, tend to fall on the ground in a early stage
i never made to the end of corridor
haha. it was quite fun.


having fun and laughing hard here is not meant to happen to me.
if so
i must be changing
and to an extend
i will be apart with my actual friends
we wil be distant
personalities and alikeness does an important role in close friends
and im losing it.
or am i not?

i told you im confused.
if my words have confused you, thats because i am actually confused too.